


you and i were made for this

by queenieface



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Blood, F/M, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Ridiculousness, cause that ending sucked so hard, chapter 700 did not exist, clumsy seamstresses, focuses mainly on Shikamaru/OC, go with me on this adventure, growing relationship, non-compliant to chapter 700 of the manga, prequel to an upcoming series i'm working on, probable OOC, semi-graphic descriptions of torture, smoking shikamaru, ten years after chapter 699
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-03-14 17:32:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 25,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3419459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenieface/pseuds/queenieface
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He refused to tell her that his mother had also invited her for dinner and begun planning the names of her future grandchildren. There was no reason to scare her off when he hadn't even decided if he really wanted her around after all.  - In which Shikamaru both takes up and quits smoking, Hana mends more than clothing, and Naruto is really just happy to be there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. to begin again.

**Author's Note:**

> I hereby disclaim all characters in this little dabbling - excepting a particluarly clumsy seamstress - especially the one who learns just how troublesome love can be. Naruto and all it's characters, places, and plot devices belong to Masashi Kishimoto, and any and all others with claim on them. Title comes from the song Letters From The Sky by Civil Twilight. All I own is the plot bunny!

**One.**

 

He never really liked them in the first place.  
  
He'd picked them up on a whim, when he'd been half-heartedly trying to woo the crazy sister of the Kazekage. He'd heard her offhandedly mentioning that she found something about the silhouette of a man smoking a cigarette attractive. The next time she'd been in the village, he'd made sure that she saw him taking long, slow drags off the cigarettes in just the right lighting. She'd laughed herself sick and slapped him happily on the shoulder after thanking him for the memory.   
  
He hadn't thrown them away - he'd always meant to, but by the time he'd remember to do it he'd already be happily slipping off into a nap, and by then it just wasn't worth the trouble of getting rid of them.  
  
And then Asuma had died.  
  
Losing his teacher had been difficult. Harder on Ino and Choji, he thought, but still difficult. Asuma had always felt more like an older brother; easy enough to talk to, easy enough to beat at shogi, easy enough to care about. Easy enough to miss when he was gone.  
  
But he remembered the things Asuma taught them, remembered the most important lessons he'd left them with. He remembered the promise he'd made - one that he intended to keep.  
  
And then the war came.  
  
He'd known it was coming. Even someone without his intelligence could see the warning signs from miles away. They'd walked into the aggression with eyes wide open, and fought with every breath they had in them.  
  
And then his father had died.  
  
Shikaku had died a good death. He was proud of his father, and the sacrifice he'd made for them all. And he was glad, in a way, that his father had died at the side of Inoichi. All deaths were lonely, but at least his father hadn't been alone.  
  
And then they won, and with Naruto on their side, Shikamaru had never once doubted that they could win, and things settled back into something that looked like normal life.  
  
So no, he didn't really like them. Cigarettes smelled horrid and tasted even worse, and when he thought about the idea that they might be hurting the people around him he liked them even less.  
  
But each time he thought about Asuma, or his father, or the countless lives they lost in the war, he  _needed_ one.   
  
Nicotene and shogi were managing his grief slowly, one tiny step at a time.


	2. the thing about faces.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's going to teach him a lesson.  
> Lucky for her.

**Two.**  
  
  
He had been home from his last mission for three weeks - and smoking heavier than he'd done in the months following the war, everything in his house smelled like tobacco and regret - when he was attacked.  
  
He was lazily wandering the newly-rebuilt streets of Konoha and ditching his duties. Naruto was a good man, and a better Hokage, but following him around was often more troublesome than not, especially when one considered the fact that Sasuke had begun to take a peculiar interest in catching Naruto off guard and kissing him senseless - much to Shikamaru's misfortune, as he was usually the one that found the two of them in various states of undress and arousal.  
  
As a trusted advisor for the Nanadaime Hokage, Shikamaru regularly attended meetings with Naruto and other assorted heads of state. There was one such meeting planned for that afternoon, between Naruto and some minor lord from the Land of Tea, but Shikamaru was planning on disappearing to his usual napping spot before going to visit Kurenai-sensei and her baby.  
  
He was lazily plotting out his afternoon when a hand slipped out of an alleyway between two apartment buildings and caught him by the collar. He was yanked roughly into the space between the two buildings and shoved firmly against the wall behind him. He was set to protest loudly - the person was most definitely a non-combatant, so he knew that no further physical protest would be necessary - when a very soft, very female body pressed against his from shoulder to kneecap.  
  
The stranger-woman yanked the still-smoldering cigarette from his lips and planted one hell of a good kiss on his still open-in-protest mouth. She kissed him for the better part of a minute before pulling back and grinning at him. He blinked slowly at her and tried to sort through his fuzzy thoughts.  
  
"Why?" The word was slow and husky, muttered out in between deep breaths. The woman grinned quickly again before moving back toward his mouth.  
  
"You have a face badly in need of kissing." Her breath was a hot rush against his mouth, and any further protest was lost in a second kiss.


	3. alleyways and disappointment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She had questionable hobbies.  
> He's not really complaining.

**Three.**  
  
  
When he managed to pull back from her - which took him far longer than he'd readily admit - he swallowed thickly.  
  
"Is kissing random men in dark alleys your idea of a hobby?" He asked, his voice a good deal lower than normal. It wasn't exactly the question he'd been intending to ask her, but he supposed it worked all the same. She quirked her head to the side and shrugged a little.  
  
"I suppose that depends." She grinned again and despite himself, he felt his own lips curling into an answering smirk.  
  
"On what?" He asked, still unnecessarily close to her. She hadn't moved away from him once they'd started speaking, and somewhere along the line one of his hands had buried itself in the hair at the nape of her neck. Her grin grew dangerously attractive.   
  
"If you plan on walking by any more alley ways today." Her smile was quicksilver in the darkness of the alley and he swallowed thickly. The hair wrapped around his fingers was silky soft and curled gently, and her grin was softening into something altogether beautiful.  
  
Shikamaru did some quick thinking and felt a frown cross his face when he realized there were only three more alleys in between them and his destination.  
  
He was not disappointed however, when she leaned in once more to leave him with a lingering kiss, sweet and soft against his lips.


	4. pain and distractions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's aware of the irony.  
> She's happy nonetheless.

**Four.**  
  
  
Her morning had begun rather spectacularly.   
  
She'd woken to another beautiful day in Konoha, complete with picturesque songbirds and fluffy white clouds in the sky. She'd had a delicious breakfast at the teahouse near her house, and spent a few hours wandering the market stalls searching for anything that piqued her attention.  
  
It was on her way back to her house that she'd seen him.  
  
She knew he was a ninja - and even if he hadn't been dressed in the regulation jounin garb, she would have recognized the carefully blank, guarded look on his face - but there was something about his manner that made her slip into the alley and watch him as he wandered. She wasn't so proud as to think that he hadn't noticed her, but she was hoping to be as unnoticed as possible. She'd heard rumors that one of the Hokage's advisers liked to cloud-watch and wander -  _'the lazy one'_ they'd called him, snide over their cups of sake at the Korean BBQ place - and she wondered if this was the shinobi they'd meant.  
  
He'd slowly wandered nearer to her, and in a split-second she'd decided she was going to be spontaneous. Without stopping to consider the possible dangers - because shinobi caught off guard could be more dangerous than normal - she yanked him into the alley and proceeded to kiss the bored look right off his face.  
  
It had been a spectacularly close to wonderful morning.  
  
And then she'd returned home to her piles of mending. After pricking her finger for what must have been the hundredth time that hour, and absolutely not missing the irony in a seamstress with clumsy fingers, she surveyed the linens stacked around her with mild disgust. None of it was particularly pressing, but her hands liked being busy, even as clumsy as they were.  
  
Or at least, they did normally.  
  
She stared down at the latest prick on her finger as a tiny droplet of crimson blood welled up. She sighed heavily, and began reconsidering her personal calling as a seamstress.  
  
And then  _he_  knocked on her door.


	5. deadly starches and battle-marks.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's happy to hear her laugh.  
> Even if it is at his expense.

**Five.**  
  
She welcomed him into the front sewing room and offered him a seat. He stood just inside the doorway and looked as though he was doing his very best to appear nonchalant. She might have been more convinced if he hadn't also been fidgeting with the bundle of tattered clothes in his hands. She gave him a gentle smile.  
  
"What can I do for you today?" She asked, neatening up the sewing she'd set down to answer the door. A very pale blush crossed his cheeks as she spoke. If she hadn't been staring so hard at his face, she'd have missed it.  
  
"I heard that you were the person to see about mending." His voice was a low rumble in the room, nearly lost with all the rumbling that was happening in the sky outside. It was her turn to flush.  
  
"Well, yes, I'm a seamstress. I take it that bundle needs mending?" She motioned for the clothes in his hands, and handed it over to her easily enough. She took it back to the chair she'd been sitting in and began unwrapping the pile. She touched each item gently, doing her best to remain professional and ignore the way the warm scent of his skin lingered on the cloth. It was easier to do when she realized the extent of damage on each item. Two shirts and a pair of pants were folded haphazardly in a way that did nothing to hide the jagged tears running through each article of clothing. Shikamaru was determinedly studying the watercolor wall-hanging on the wall to his left.  
  
"What exactly happened here? Were you in some kind of a fight?" She asked, turning each piece of clothing to survey all the damage. There was no blood on the clothing that she could see, but that didn't mean that the holes hadn't accompanied massive physical injury. Shikamaru mumbled something under his breath that she didn't quite catch.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. What did you say caused this?" She glanced up at him long enough to take in the rather resigned look on his face. She turned her eyes back to the clothing just as he answered her.  
  
"Potatoes." The word was said hurriedly, and with great distaste. She nodded for a moment before the answer processed. One eyebrow arched high above her eyes and she glanced from him to the clothes back in her hands.  
  
"These holes are from _potatoes_?" She asked, staring dubiously between the man still lingering in the door of her sewing room and the clothes in her hands. Shikamaru felt another blush curling up the back of his neck. He sighed and nodded before answering.  
  
"Yeah, uh." He paused when her gaze finally settled on him, feeling the stare all the way down to his toes. If possible, her gaze grew more amused than before.  
  
"I thought all of you shinobi folk were taught to mend your things in the academy." Her voice was heavily amused. He was horrified to feel the blush climb up around his ears and he sighed heavily.   
  
"Well, I've never been very good at mending my own things. Ino always did that for me, but she's busy with work, and well," he paused, suddenly looking very vulnerable for all that he was one of the top ninja in the village, "I didn't want to trouble my mother."  
  
His tone spoke of great loss and the humor left Hana's face gently, and she watched him for a long moment before turning back to the clothes in his hands. A small laugh left her as she traced the jagged edges of the rips, drawing Shikamaru's attention. He watched her for a long moment and felt a smile tug at the edges of his lips.  
  
"Potatoes, huh?" Her voice was wry as she spoke, but it wasn't so much a question as a statement. A little smile was on her face as she turned to look at him again. He cleared his throat and made a show of looking around the room to avoid meeting her eyes.  
  
"Yeah, uh. It's a long story." He was trying very hard not to think about the kisses in the alley earlier in the day. She was smiling in the soft way she'd been when she'd kissed him, and he was about to turn tail and run when she waved at the couch across the room.  
  
"I've got time." She assured him, reaching into a bag by her chair to draw out a needle and some thread. He watched her for a long moment before shrugging and moving to settle on the cushions.  
  
"Yeah, me too." His voice was soft as he answered, and he could feel the smile she gave him even from across the room.


	6. afternoon naps and rain.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's napped during the rain before.  
> It's not so different, but it is.

**Six.**  
  
Sometime between retelling the story of the disastrous potatoes and her finishing stitching up the tears in his pants, Shikamaru had spread out across the couch and fallen into a light snooze. He resurfaced slowly, registering the sounds of rain hitting the roof above them.  
  
"Tch, it's raining." The words were jumbled by a yawn that surprised him and nearly cracked his jaw. He sat up and stretched, rolling his shoulders, and glanced across the room to see her snipping some thread after tying a neat knot in her work. He sighed heavily and leaned back against the back of the couch with another yawn. "How troublesome."  
  
Hana smiled without looking up from her work. It had been nice, having him snoozing on her couch. She'd almost forgotten what it was like to have someone else breathing in the silence of her house. She spared him a glance and a grin.  
  
"You can wait it out here if you'd like. I've still got to finish your shirts, and besides," she paused, weighing her words, "it's nice. Having some company, that is." She admitted. She shrugged a little before turning her face back to her work and ignoring the slight flush she felt on her ears. Shikamaru watched her for a long moment before turning to glance out the window.  
  
He could see the rain hitting the ground outside through the half-opened blinds. It was falling quicker and pooling in the low spots in the road, creating vast puddles that were sure to attract children and mosquitoes once the weather cleared. A sort of warm fondness curled through him and he stretched back out on the couch.  
  
His breathing evened out again as he listened to the gentle sounds of the rain and her sewing. He peeked between his lashes at her to watch her make neat, tiny stitches in the fabric of his overshirt. She was humming a soft tune as she did so, a song he didn't know but was sure he'd hear in his head the rest of the week, and the quiet was as comforting as a warm blanket after being out in the cold.  
  
He settled more comfortably against the couch as a soft smile crossed his face. It was the first time in a long time that he could remember being completely at peace, and the feeling would go with him long after her left her house that night.


	7. her hair smelled like chocolate.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hadn't missed her.  
> Until he did.

**Seven.**  
  
A week passed before he saw her again. He hadn't been able to slip away from his duties - lazy he might be, but there was no possible way he was leaving Naruto only in the care of Sasuke while foreign dignitaries visited. He still didn't fully trust the Uchiha, despite what Naruto had said repeatedly about him being  _'completely reformed, honest!',_ and he had a tendency to scare the visiting officials. Shikamaru knew the truth of the Uchiha Massacre, as did the rest of the village, but it didn't change the way Sasuke's eyes still sometimes grew dark with rage when he thought no one was looking. Shikamaru knew very well that Sasuke's allegiance was to Naruto, and nothing else, and because of that he had long considered that it was best for everyone involved if he was always at the meetings that Sasuke deigned to attend.  
  
He stood outside her door after knocking for a very long two minutes. He was beginning to wonder if she was actually home and how troublesome it would be to come back later when the door was yanked open wide.  
  
"You again." The words were harsh, but her tone wasn't. A broad smile stretched across her face and an equally large smear of what he very much hoped was chocolate stretched across her left cheek. Shikamaru found himself staring at her for a few long moments without speaking.  
  
He hadn't  _missed_ her, really - he didn't even really  _know_ her yet - but seeing her standing in front of him made something ease in his chest that he hadn't known was knotted up. Her hair was tugged back behind her head and secured with some kind of tie. Flyaway curls were escaping all over the place, twisting against her cheeks and across her forehead. Her warm brown eyes were lit up with laughter and something else - maybe excitement? - that warmed him from the inside out. He sighed heavily and smiled at her from just outside the doorway. An eyebrow arched up as she stared at him.  
  
"Did you need something?" The tone of her voice was vaguely teasing, and he caught himself staring at her lips as she spoke. Another long pause made him realize he was still staring.  
  
"Yeah. It's a drag, but my mother wanted to know if you could mend these." He pushed a bundle of cloth into her waiting hands and ignored the twisting in his gut that felt suspiciously like the butterflies he'd heard Ino croon about for years. "She usually does it all herself, but she's been sick lately and," he paused again, watching a soft smile grow on her face, "well, she uh, she heard about you mending my clothes from that last errand run and was impressed with the job you did."   
  
He refused to tell her that his mother had also invited her for dinner and begun planning the names of her future grandchildren. There was no reason to scare her off when he hadn't even decided if he really wanted her around after all. He sighed heavily again and shrugged just a little too late for it to matter, and did a passable job of ignoring the way his heart tripped up in his chest when her smile grew wide and friendly.  
  
"Sure. Check back with me in a few days?" She asked, her head tilted to the side in a way that made a few more errant curls slip loose of their confinement. Shikamaru was struck with a sudden and nearly uncontrollable urge to tuck the soft strands behind her ear. He shoved his hands roughly into his pockets and nodded before turning to leave. He'd made it a single step before he made up his mind and turned back around.   
  
"Hey!" He called, and she paused and turned back to look at him before she shut the door. "You've got chocolate on your cheek, did you know?" One hand reached up to bat at her cheeks, and when it came in contact with the candy spread across her left cheek she blushed a very pretty shade of red.  
  
"Thanks." The word was clipped with embarrassment and the door slammed shut right after. Shikamaru found himself smiling the entire way home.


	8. the meaning of being happy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's not the most exciting person.  
> She is happy all the same.

**Eight.**  
  
Her life was not exactly exciting, by any stretch of the word. She made a relatively comfortable living from mending clothing and assorted linens - Shikamaru was not the only ninja who'd eschewed sewing, and some civilian families had too many other things to focus on. It gave her something to keep her days busy, and between jobs she baked.   
  
When she did manage to make her way into town, she made small talk with the shop owners, and a few of them she even considered her friends. They regularly coaxed her out for weekly gatherings at the teahouses nearest her home where they gossiped over dango and bitter green tea.  
  
She was not exactly filled with any sort of wanderlust. And she'd never hated having to spend her time at home. She remembered her grandmother teaching her to sew and knit when she was a little girl, and her father had given her an appetite for reading that had only grown as she'd matured into adulthood. She'd spent many a long summer day knitting into the night with a book on her lap.   
  
And then the war had come.  
  
Her mother had died fighting - a proud kunoichi until the end. Her father, a humble merchant who'd never dared to even hurt a fly, had been killed by rogue shinobi as he'd traveled back to Konoha. Her brother had followed in her mother's footsteps - he'd been the youngest in their family to gain the title of chunin - and he'd died on the battlefield protecting a ninja from another village. The ninja had then carried her brother and his headband home after the war and requested to help bury him.  
  
The war had even stolen the man she might have loved. Their relationship had been new, tender like the first green shoots of grass in the Spring, and it hadn't had time to develop fully. But it might have, and when she'd heard of his death, she'd felt very much like she might have died as well.   
  
And then time had passed. She took her knitting and sewing back up. She baked her favorites from her grandmother's cookbook. She reread the books her father had loved. She took it one single day at a time, like her mother had told her to. And things got better, not by great leaps and bounds, but by the slow and steady passing of each day.  
  
Her days were then filled with familiar faces at the market, and quiet laughter at the teahouse. And ever more increasingly, thoughts of one very lazy ninja that she'd yanked into an alleyway and kissed for good measure.  
  
It wasn't exactly a crush, and she was just beginning to figure out where all the pieces of herself fit, but she was happy all the same.


	9. ninja postman come bearing gifts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She has a hard time believing he can be so lazy.  
> She doesn't have to believe it for long.

**Nine.  
  
** The bundle of linens had been sitting on her couch for two weeks.  
  
Despite what she had told him, she'd finished mending them the day after he'd dropped them by her house. She'd blushed the entire time she'd stitched the sheets back together, remembering the look on his face when he'd told her she had chocolate on her face. It had been amused and fond and entirely too familiar for the short time they'd known one another - and considering that she'd yanked him into an alley and kissed him silly without even knowing his name, that said a lot - but she'd liked it all the same.  
  
When a week went by without word, she'd begun to get antsy. She'd finished three or four personal projects, baked her way through half of one cookbook, and made her way through a rather large pile of things waiting to be mended. The longer she waited, the antsier she got.  
  
When the second week crept around, she began to get downright irate. She was too nervous to ask around about him to find out where his mother lived, but she was seriously beginning to consider the merit of stalking through the town and dragging him out of wherever he'd been dozing off. Just when she was beginning to be aggravated enough to do just such a thing - and heavily scold him for being too lazy to come get his mothers' mending, because honestly, she'd heard rumors that he was notorious for slipping away from his duties, but how lazy could he really be?! - a quick knock sounded at her door.  
  
She stomped her way across the sewing room and yanked open the door, mouth already open and ready to dive into her rant, when she realized that a Ninja Postman stood outside her door. The young man in front of her was one she saw relatively regularly, and her mouth slammed shut with an audible click. He looked worried for a moment before producing a small letter from his pouch.  
  
"For you, ma'am!" He announced, professional grin across his face. Hana nodded her head and ducked back inside long enough to bag up a few freshly baked cookies. She'd been bribing her way into the good graces of the Ninja Postman for years, since before the war, and they were now all fond enough of her to stop by her house immediately after the Hokage and before they went to anyone else in the village if they had something for her. She smiled and waved the postman away with a fond look. The postman accepted the cookies gratefully and took off at a speed that made her eyes water a little to watch him.  
  
She shut the door and turned the letter over.  _Konoha Seamstress_ had been printed in a bold, slanting hand that looked as lazy as the man who had most likely sent it. Hana sighed heavily and opened the missive as she walked back toward the chair in her sewing room.  
  
 **** _Sorry about this. There was a mission. I'll be by_ _soon._ __  
  
The words were simple and impersonal and practically oozed a whole lot of his nonchalant attitude. It was enough to make her aggravation disappear and a soft smile cross her face.  
  
It wasn't like some grand gesture of affection or anything, but the idea that he thought enough of her to send a Ninja Postman with the letter was enough to keep her grinning for the rest of the day.


	10. the addictions we keep.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's troublesome the way he thinks about her all the time.  
> Except it's not, not really.

**Ten.  
  
  
** He was four hours from Konoha when he caught himself palming a cigarette.  
  
The simple diplomatic envoy mission that was supposed to take a mere six days had turned into a three-week nightmare of insulted nobles, flighty businessmen, and three tetchy Kage. He wondered if Gaara would ever forgive Naruto for dragging him into the idea of a multi-village festival that Spring, but they'd all agreed to it - even the Tsuchikage had agreed to help throw the party - and Shikamaru knew Naruto would be pleased with the results regardless of how long it had taken.  
  
Peace between the villages had been tenuous before the war, and that was no less true after it. There were a lot of questions to answer - if the war was over, and the bad guys were all gone, was there really a need for the hidden villages and Kages? Sure, there would always be rogue ninja and bad people, but did that call for the scale of protection and firepower available at the fingertips of a few ruling regimes?  
  
Shikamaru didn't have an answer for any of that. And he wasn't all that interested in trying to figure it out either. That was a job for Naruto, and he had full confidence that the man had the ability to puzzle out any and all questions thrown his way.  
  
As he thought about what the future could hold - and steadily tucked the cigarettes back into his pocket because, regardless of whatever else he was trying to convince himself of, he didn't want to show up to  _her_  smelling like cigarettes - he found himself running a fingertip over the studs in his ears.  
  
Asuma had been a good teacher, even if they hadn't always been particularly motivated to learn. From the other side of childhood, he could see how teaching children who were literally born to work together could be tiresome. He thought about the legacy that Asuma entrusted them all with when they became chunin.  
  
 _"Protect the king."  
  
_ The words would stay with Shikamaru all his life, of that he was certain. All he had to do was think about Choji's little girl, or the way Ino kept hinting about children to Sai - and honestly, he couldn't imagine a more clueless man if he tried - and he felt a queasy sort of worry settle in his stomach. Would he be strong enough to protect his own king?  
  
That thought made him think of her again, and he stumbled badly enough that he nearly missed a tree limb on his way through the forest. When he'd resumed a steady speed and felt sure enough in himself to broach the idea of children, even in his own mind, he found himself thinking of his father.  
  
He really had looked up to his dad. For one, he could never quite manage to beat him at shogi. No matter how much he practiced, which admittedly was not as much as he maybe could have, his father was always better than him. Thinking of his father made him think of the end, the middle of the stinking battlefield and the moment when he knew that his father was going to die. He didn't know what that moment was supposed to feel like, but it felt a lot like the time he'd knocked a tooth loose in the Academy. The doctor had just pulled it out, telling his parents it was a baby tooth anyway, and packed it lightly with gauze to stop him from swallowing too much blood. It felt like that; gauzy and dry, an ache that rooted itself deep into his throat and made him feel like throwing up.  
  
He moved on then, letting his thoughts travel seamlessly from one to another, lingering on a moment or two before moving on. He landed with a little cloud of dust just outside the gates, and the most troubling thing of all was that as he walked through the gate and waved at the chunin on duty, all he could think about was that he wanted to go to  _her._


	11. introductions, at last.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He asks her name like her face isn't already branded into his sight.

**Eleven.**  
  
"It has occurred to me that you have not told me your name." His voice swam up from the darkness of the night and gave her a heart attack. She was unlocking the door after returning home from the teahouse - her friends had dragged her out of the house forcibly just before sunset and kept her occupied for nearly five hours, complaining that she'd been spending so much time all by herself holed up in her house - and she blinked through the darkness to see him leaning against the wall to the right of her doorway. His smirk was especially attractive in the darkness, and she pressed a hand against her chest in the hopes that she'd slow the heartbeat that was suddenly racing for a bunch of different reasons.  
  
"What are you doing here?!" She hissed, taking deep breaths in an effort to calm herself. If possible, his smirk grew larger. He pushed off from where he'd been leaning against the wall and moved a little closer to her.  
  
"I sent you a message and told you I'd drop by." His answer was accompanied with a shrug. She gestured at the night around them with a grimace.  
  
"Yeah, a week ago. And at this hour of night?" She asked, finally unlocking the door in front of her. Shikamaru yawned loudly and stretched, the action drawing her eyes to the sliver of skin that became visible just above the waist of his pants. Her eyes remained glued to the spot even after his arms were back at his side and his hands were tucked into his pockets.  
  
"It wasn't dark when I got here. It was just too troublesome to leave and come back, so I waited." He shrugged again and gave her a small smile. She returned it with a bright laugh as she finally pushed her door open. He followed her inside, and was close enough to her to smell her shampoo and the scents from the teahouse still clinging to her skin. He took a deep breath as surreptitiously as he could and shut the door behind himself.  
  
"Well, I suppose I'm lucky that you deigned to wait outside at all." Her voice sounded exasperated, but the smile she sent him took any sting out of the words. He returned it with a grin and toed his shoes off.  
  
"Well I didn't think you'd appreciate me lingering in your sewing room, no." He agreed, leaning against the wall in her entry way. She nodded with a smile and slipped out of her own shoes. She took a step toward her sewing room before answering his earlier comment.  
  
"My name is Hana Okumi." She said, waving him into the sewing room. "Do you want something to drink?" She headed toward the kitchen before she heard him settle onto her couch. She glanced over her shoulder to see him already sprawled comfortably, a sleepy little grin on his face.  
  
"It's nice to finally meet you Hana. I'm Shikamaru Nara. Wake me up in the morning, would you? It's too troublesome to head back home now." The words got slower as he spoke them, and by the time he'd finished he'd slipped firmly into sleep. He was snoring before she could even manage a reply.


	12. breakfast with a side of seduction.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His father taught him so many lessons,  
> long before Shikamaru could ever learn them appropriately.

**Twelve.**  
  
  
Shikamaru was always slow to wake from sleep, even if he  _was_ always awake before his alarm ever went off. He blinked slowly and gave his senses time to wake up, delighted when he smelled breakfast cooking in the room across from him.  
  
He sat up slowly, pushing off the blanket Hana had draped over him as he did - it was warm and hand-knitted and smelled so much like Hana's shampoo that he was sorely disappointed to leave it - and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. The sounds of her moving around the other room reached his ears, and he sat there for another long moment to savor it before his bladder made its needs very clear to him.  
  
After seeing to his morning needs, he stumbled his way into the kitchen, mouth so wide in a yawn that it left his eyes watering when he was finished. When he could see clearly again, he was greeted by a sight he had newfound and instant appreciation for. He took a seat at the wooden table to appreciate it further.   
  
As a child, he had never understood the way his father would stare after his mother in the morning, with dark eyes glowing with some kind of appreciation that he was far too young to understand. He could never get his head around why breakfast, even one as tasty as his mother's, made his father moon about in some kind of early morning marital bliss. He settled his chin in his hands and took in the sight before him.   
  
Hana was bustling about the kitchen in her sleepwear - which apparently amounted to a pair of shorts that were nearly non-existent and a large shirt that hung off her shoulders in the most appealing way. Her hair was mussed in a way that suggested she was a heavy sleeper, and she was humming to herself as she stirred something on the stove. She turned, presumably to grab some other items for breakfast, when she met Shikamaru's eyes.  
  
At first, a warm pink blush found its way to her cheeks. She stood there, holding his stare, for a few long moments before a warm grin crossed her face.  
  
"I'm glad you're awake. Breakfast will be ready in fifteen minutes." Shikamaru returned her smile with a small one of his own, completely enthralled.  
  
He realized, after a few moments of thoughtless staring, that his father may have been on to something after all. There was just something so sensual and satisfying about a sleep-softened female willingly making you breakfast.


	13. dull, thankless affairs.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's the master of avoidance.  
> He learned from the best of them.

**Thirteen.**  
  
He'd never liked funerals. All the pomp and circumstance, the words repeated over and over by rote. He didn't care much for ceremony in general, and certainly not any ceremonies that celebrated death.  
  
Shikamaru did not go to Asuma's funeral.  
  
It wasn't because he didn't want to - although that had managed to factor into his final decision that morning. He just couldn't reconcile the image of the man he knew as the shinobi they buried. And he couldn't look at Kurenai, not that soon after his death.  
  
When he took out Hidan, something in him eased in a violently vengeful sort of way. It didn't make up for the fact that Hidan had stolen Asuma from them - nothing could take the venom from that wound. But it helped, in a way, knowing that Hidan would never be able to steal anyone else. The funeral was just a dull, thoughtless affair of hot air and words that didn't change the fact that his teacher was gone. Ino didn't really see it that way though, and when she'd finally found him later that day she'd spent an impressively long time explaining why he should have been there before sobbing grossly on his shoulder. He'd waved her off gently and gone to find his father.  
  
And then, there had been other funerals.  
  
He'd have skipped his father's funeral if he could have. He'd have made it completely out of the village and been far, far away before anyone noticed. He had spent fifteen uneasy minutes staring at the black ceremonial clothing everyone in the village would be wearing - they'd have all dressed out for his father regardless, but Shikaku Nara wasn't the only one they were burying and the dead nearly outnumbered the living - and wondering how much his mother would hate him if he left. He was interrupted by a knock on the door and the soft voice of his mother. She opened the door behind him and sighed very softly.  
  
"I will not blame you if you cannot go." She began, standing in the doorway and watching his back. "And neither would he." He had stood firm and still for a long moment, absorbing her words and the gentle way she had said them, and suddenly he'd cracked. His shoulders had bowed deep, heavy with the weight of all his grief and loss and the thought of all the people they would never see again. And then he was crying. Great, heaving sobs on his mother's shoulders, and she only patted his back and whispered sweet words to him.   
  
As he cried, he thought about the first mission he'd taken as a chunin. The mission to retrieve Sasuke had been a complete and absolute disaster. Everyone had been hurt, and he'd felt like a complete failure. He'd broken down, right there in the hall of the hospital. And his father had been there to see his failure, with a scolding that somehow felt more reassuring than any kind of praise would have.  
  
"I might have taken him for granted, mother." When he was able to speak, Shikamaru's voice was very small. His mother's eyes shone with tears as she dried his face with the edge of her robe.  
  
"Oh my son, he never thought so. He knew that you loved him." The admission was small enough to set off another wave of tears for the both of them. After a while, the two of them managed to straighten themselves enough to make it to the funeral, and Shikamaru had quietly borne his grief every day since then.  
  
The third morning he woke up on Hana's couch to the sound of her making breakfast, he decided that death was a dull, troublesome affair that he'd like to have nothing more to do with.


	14. missed opportunities.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's missed the point before.  
> Never quite so much like this, though.

**Fourteen.**  
  
Shikamaru lost his virginity shortly after the end of the Fourth Great Ninja War.  
  
Relations between the villages were still in a rather euphoric state of looseness, and shinobi had come and gone as they had pleased. It took some time to gather the pieces up everywhere - and greater time still to bury all the ones they had lost.  
  
He'd outright refused the 'vacation' they'd tried to send him on following the war, but had accepted the alternate month long 'diplomatic mission' to Iwagakure with lots of cursing and rather bad grace. He'd spent the entire trip there wound tight as a spring, still mourning and regretful. He'd approached it with a professionalism that had terrified his teammates and made Naruto roll his eyes in exasperation.  
  
But after a week of following Naruto around in Iwagakure, he'd started to relax and settle back into his skin. He was different on the back end of the war, he'd lost people - his father included - and nothing ages you quite so drastically the way grief does. But he was more comfortable in himself, more sure and steady of his own skill and intelligence. The grief that had bowed him so heavily was compartmentalized and sectioned off to be dealt with later.  
  
While he was there, he met a woman named Kida. Her eyes and hands were the tough, scarred kind of all shinobi, but her laugh had been all softness and lace. She'd teased him the very first time they'd met, saying his face was too serious.  _"We won the war, you can relax now!"_ She'd called out, smile bright across her tanned face, before she even knew his name. He'd liked her very much indeed.  
  
The affair hadn't been particularly serious on either end. Most shinobi affairs weren't, especially ones between shinobi from different villages. She'd teased him about being a soft city boy from a land of trees and water and when he'd growled her name into the skin of her neck, she'd laughed in a way that made him shiver. For three weeks, they'd spent time with each other - as much in the daylight as they did between the sheets - and when he'd had to return to Konoha, she'd sent him off with a smile and a laugh that he was sure he'd probably remember forever.  
  
He had been thinking of Kida more often, mostly because of how much time he'd been spending with Hana. It was a habit that had been borne out of the fact that her house was closer to the Hokage building than his own was by nearly 300 steps, and she was pleasing to be around. She smiled and laughed and cooked for him, and when he had asked her if she minded that he spent so much time there, she'd looked very fragile for a heart-stopping moment before telling him that she had been alone long enough, and it was nice having company. He'd filed the ache on her face away and hadn't asked her again.  
  
But things were changing slowly, as they grew more familiar with one another. He would bring her home dango that he picked up from her favorite teahouse on his way back from work, and she would make him special lunches with mackerel and kelp. She had also developed a habit of touching him, seemingly without a clear reason to do so. She would hug him when he left, and sometimes when he came home, and every time he looked at her he thought about the kisses they'd shared in the alley and how little she wore to bed.  
  
When she shimmied into the kitchen that afternoon, singing some song he didn't know and thoroughly distracting him from the report he'd been trying to write for an hour, he felt himself edging ever closer to the very thin line of his control. She puttered around the kitchen - doing what, he didn't know because he couldn't manage to bring himself to look up from the report he had been neglecting for weeks for fear of doing something out of turn - for a few long moments before she seemed to realize he was seated at the table. She closed the distance between them with five quick steps and he felt his breath catch in his throat.  
  
He chanced a look up at her after a deep breath and found her staring down at him with a very calculating look on her face. She then leaned down, took his face between her hands, and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth. It took every ounce of self control he had not to swipe the table clear, throw her onto it, and show her exactly how he felt about it.  
  
The kiss lasted only a few seconds, much shorter than the first ones they'd shared, and she pulled back slowly, like she was giving him a chance to reconsider. As it was, he stayed glued to the chair he was seated in, determinedly not looking at her lips.  
  
Hana searched his face for a moment before frowning gently and moving away. Her fingers left little tingling trails behind on his skin as she let his face go, and she murmured something about going to the market. She watched him for another moment before turning and leaving without a look back.   
  
He did his very best to pretend that he was not disappointed at all.  
  
So did she.


	15. the defining line.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She learns a lesson about clarity.  
> So does he.

**Fifteen.**  
  
Hana spent a very long time out of the house that afternoon.  
  
The more time she spent with Shikamaru, the more she found she liked him quite a lot. She'd been thinking about ways to broach the subject with him when she'd returned home that afternoon, only to find him seated at the kitchen table looking rather like he was in pain. She imagined it was the same way she looked when she went to reconcile her checkbooks.  
  
She'd made up her mind in the time it took her to cross the kitchen, and the gentle kiss she'd given him had been intended as a declaration of her intents. He hadn't responded, hadn't even breathed, and she'd left feeling more than a little hurt. She hadn't exactly been very subtle about her affection for him lately, but she also hadn't exactly shouted it from the rooftops. As it stood, she was confused and a little upset.  
  
She took her time shopping for groceries, and bits of fabric and thread. She wandered more than shopped, trying not to give in to the slow-burning ache that had taken root in her chest when he hadn't kissed her back.  
  
The sun was long-since set when she finally returned home, arms laden down with groceries she wasn't entirely sure she'd need. She half expected him to be gone when she got there. When she stumbled through the doorway, he caught her by the shoulders and steadied her. She met his eyes in surprise, not quite able to hide the relief in her expression. His smile was small, but real, as he looked at her.  
  
"You're still here." She said, her voice a little quite. Shikamaru gave her another little smile and nodded, reaching behind her to shut the door. His hands returned to her shoulders and gentled as he leaned back to meet her eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry . . . about earlier." He said, meeting her gaze evenly. Hana felt her cheeks grow red and she ducked her head to hide her blush.  
  
"Yeah, it was," she shook her head, a bright and terribly fake smile on her face as she looked back at him, "don't worry about it! It wasn't anything." She managed to duck around his arms and make it a few steps into the sewing room before he stopped her with another gentle touch on her shoulders.  
  
"It wasn't nothing, either." He said, before making a frustrated sound that made her turn to look back at him. His face was screwed up in thought and a hand was tugging through his hair in frustration. "What I mean is, it was something." Shikamaru met her eyes and held her gaze for a few long moments. Hana felt like she was missing something really big and really simple.  
  
"I don't . . ." her voice cracked a little as she spoke, and she stopped to clear it. "I didn't mean to overstep any boundaries. I . . .," she paused again, her eyes darting about the sewing room as she searched for the right words, "I had a love once, you know. He was a shinobi, like you, and I don't really know if I loved him or not, but I wanted to. And you aren't like him at all, and that's okay. And I don't really know if I love you or not yet, but I know that I would like to find out. And it's okay if you don't feel that way at all." Hana would have kept speaking, spilling out reason after reason why he didn't have to feel uncomfortable and making herself more and more miserable with each word out of her mouth, but Shikamaru made a soft noise in the back of his throat that stopped her.  
  
"I think that I would like to find out as well." He said, when he knew he had her attention. Hana stared for a few long moments before a light blush crossed her cheeks. She ducked her head again, hiding eyes that were suddenly watery. Shikamaru reached out and took the groceries from her arms, smiling gently as he did so. "So let's take it one day at a time, okay?"  
  
Hana nodded, her throat very tight and dry even as her eyes kept watering. Shikamaru leaned down slowly and pressed a gentle kiss against her lips.  
  
"Tch, troublesome." He said, though his voice was altogether fond. Hana laughed lightly, and he turned to put away the groceries that she'd bought. Hana stood still in the sewing room, one hand clenched against her heartbeat, and listened to the sounds of Shikamaru in the kitchen. After a long moment, she took a deep breath and sighed heavily.  
  
"One day at a time, huh?" She murmured, her lips quirking up into a soft smile. She heard Shikamaru chuckle from inside the kitchen, and the sound made her smile grow wider. "Okay. One day at a time."


	16. when weakness is strength.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not so much the fact that he's weak, but that she is too.  
> Besides, it's better than sleeping alone.

**Sixteen.**  
  
Hana woke abruptly in the middle of the night, jerking upright in a tangle of sweaty sheets. Her heart was racing in her chest, and for a bewildering moment, she wasn't sure where she was. She took in the scenery of her bedroom in a calculated sort of way, her eyes moving first over the window to her left, across the dresser near the foot of her bed, and past the doorway to the closet on the far side of the room. She took an inventory of each item in the room as her heart rate slowed and her breathing evened out.  
  
She hadn't dreamed of the attack on the village for a long time. She'd spent so long trapped under the wreckage of her old apartment building, convinced that she was going to die there. In her dreams, sometimes, she was back there. Trapped beneath countless pounds of rubble and ruin, her voice hoarse from screaming and her left leg twisted painfully behind her.  
  
It took a few more long moments of deep breathing and careful staring at the items in her bedroom, reassuring herself that she was not trapped beneath a building but instead free and whole in a house of her own, before she was calm enough to lay back down and attempt to fall back asleep. She was nearly there when a strangled shout echoed through her home. She jerked upright again, hesitating in the bed for only a moment when the shout was echoed by a hissed curse.  
  
Concern for the shinobi sleeping on the couch downstairs overrode any sort of self-preservation, something she was sure he'd lecture her on if he ever thought back about it, had her rushing downstairs as soundlessly as possible. When a perfunctory glance told her that no one else was there aside from the two of them - though, as she wasn't a shinobi herself, she'd never know, really - she crept a little closer to the man. He was sweating into her couch - he'd stubbornly refused to sleep in the guest room, claiming the house was only properly defensible if he was nearest to the door - and his face was screwed up in pain and despair.  
  
Shikamaru twisted against the cushions, his legs tangled up in the blanket, and he cursed out Asuma's name. Hana frowned deeply and slowly peeled the blanket off him, hoping the cool air would ease his sleep. He stilled well enough, his breathing evening out and his face smoothing before a choked sob broke the silence of the room. Hana leaned down and touched his ankle, light pressure enough to drag him from sleep while staying far enough away to be out of immediate reach - he was not the first shinobi she had woken from a nightmare, and she never had been especially fast - and he jerked awake with a kunai in his hand that he'd managed to pull from who-knew-where. A few moments passed, only broken by harsh breathing and thundering heartbeats, before Shikamaru relaxed slowly back against the couch cushions. Hana's fingers were still light against Shikamaru's ankle, and he met her eyes in the darkness.  
  
She smiled a little crookedly, eyes completely free of judgement, and offered him her free hand. Shikamaru studied it for a half-second before taking it and letting her pull him to standing. They studied each other in silence for a long moment while Shikamaru let the last of his dream slip away, before she turned toward the stairs. Without letting go of her hand, Shikamaru let her lead him upstairs toward her bedroom. There was an awkward moment of indecision as they tried to pick a side of the bed to sleep on, and he solved it by letting her settle in the bed on the side closest to the wall. When she curled against him beneath the sheets, and moved to rest her head on his shoulder, it was the most natural feeling in the world to slip an arm around her shoulders and tug her close to him.  
  
Shikamaru fell asleep with her fingers tracing patterns on his chest, listening to the sound of her breathing. He woke just after dawn, and watched the sky grow lighter and lighter while she snoozed behind him. She sighed in her sleep and adjusted beside him, snuggling closer against his side. The tip of her nose was cold against his skin, and as she breathed softly in her sleep he felt bizarrely weak-kneed and shaky, despite the fact that he was laying down. When she sighed out his name and whispered  _Good morning_ in a voice that was rumbly with sleep and several notes lower than her normal timbre, he felt a smile work its way across his face.  
  
It was the best sleep he'd had in years.  
  
  



	17. one for sorrow, two for joy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are tears you cry for sadness, and there are tears you cry for joy.  
> She is teaching him both.

**Seventeen.**

 

She and Shikamaru had been pseudo-dating for nearly three weeks when she crossed paths with the Nanadaime Hokage.

She'd seen him many times before, of course. In passing, from across the village square, during the reconstruction, and many other times since he was officially named Hokage. She'd heard him giving speeches to the entire village - and even though he always told them, voice humble and blush full on his cheeks, that he wasn't a great public speaker Hana was always moved - and she'd seen the way the children of the village quite literally flocked to him.

But the first time she came face to face with him was on another rainy afternoon, much like the one that had brought Shikamaru to her house in the first place. They'd been having lunch at Ichiraku during Shikamaru's break, enjoying each other silently, when they heard people entering the small shop behind them. Hana might not have paid them any mind at all, if not for the way Shikamaru sat up a little straighter. Teuchi, who'd been refilling her tea, laughed and waved happily.

"Naruto-kun! It's so good to see you in here!"

Hana whipped around on her stool, coming face to shoulder with the Nanadaime Hokage. Naruto himself was grinning broadly and waving at Teuchi and Ayame as he made his way to a stool at the raised counter, trailed by a silent Sasuke Uchiha. He plopped down onto a stool at the other end of the counter, his greeting bright and loud, but Hana couldn't hear it. There was a heavy rushing sound in her ears, a narrowing of her field of vision, and then a choked sob escaped her throat. It startled Shikamaru enough to make him lean into her, and it drew the attention of the two young men sitting near them.

"Hana? Are you okay?" Shikamaru asked, his voice concerned. Concerned enough to draw Naruto from his seat and cause a mild frown to appear on Sasuke's otherwise expressionless face. Tears started rolling freely down Hana's face when she looked up and met the bewildered blue eyes of the Hokage. She stood from her chair abruptly, reaching for the confused young man. Naruto, to his everlasting credit, pulled her into an awkward hug while meeting Shikamaru's concerned gaze. Shikamaru only shrugged, his eyes still focused on the shaking shoulders of the young woman currently sobbing into the official Hokage robes.

"Miss, I'm . . . I'm sorry, are you alright?" Naruto asked her, his voice low with concern. Hana managed to calm herself enough to speak, moving just far enough away from Naruto to meet his eyes.

"You probably don't remember me. You've saved so many people and I'm just another face in the crowd but . . . after the village was destroyed by Pein, I was trapped under the rubble for two days. My leg was badly broken, and I'd screamed myself hoarse already. I thought I was going to die there before anyone found me. When I was ready to give up and die, a hand came through the rubble and pulled me to safety." Hana sniffled, stepping back farther from Naruto while still keeping a firm grip on his arms. "You saved me. You said you'd seen my bright shirt through the mess and heard me breathing. I know that everyone in the village owes you their life in one way or another, but I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you. Thank you, Hokage-sama." Hana met his wide eyes once more before hugging him again, even tighter than before. Naruto's eyes were misty when she stepped back and reached for Shikamaru's hands.

If there was ever a time in Shikamaru's life when he thought he would stop being grateful for Naruto, he had yet to reach it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY that it's taken so long to pick this back up. There was moving and then there was school (I was taking classes to become a licensed teacher and I passed yay!) but I've been working on this story and my others so updates should resume here shortly. Thank you for those who've left kudos and who keep coming back to check and for everyone who's had kind words for this story and others. You have no idea what that means to me, and I love you all.  
> ~Queenie


	18. too much time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If she pricks her finger one more time,  
> she's going to scream.

**Eighteen.**

 

She had been trying to sew for the last twenty minutes, and had already pricked her fingers twelve times within the first six of those minutes. She'd been staring blankly at her clock for the last three minutes however, without really seeing anything in front of her. The clock, mounted at just the right height on the wall in her sewing room for her to see it clearly from her chair, was five minutes slow. Hana knew it was five minutes slow, and it had been for the better part of a year. She'd just never found the urge to fix it. The sheets she'd been attempting to mend sat loose in her lap, nearly untouched with her needle tucked safely into the needle minder beside her chair.

Shikamaru had been gone for two weeks. Off on some diplomatic mission to Suna with two shinobi she knew only in passing. It wasn't the first mission he'd been sent on in their now five months of  _something_ between them - the first time he'd waltzed in bloody and bruised she'd nearly beaten him bloodier, and would have if he hadn't sighed gently into a soft kiss and whispered  _"I'm home"_ in a way that made her all sorts of shivery inside.

The problem was that he was due back within the hour, and Hana couldn't concentrate on a single thing. She'd debated the benefits of heading toward the gate and meeting him there, but if he had news for the Hokage she wouldn't get to spend time with him anyway. If he was hurt, he'd need to report to the hospital. And anyway, he didn't have to spend all his time with her. 

He had a mother still, one that he frequently visited. And friends, although she understood that Ino and Choji were quite busy with their own schedules and missions. And despite his aptitude toward laziness, Shikamaru did have a job that he was quite good at. It was probably best if she just waited at home for him, like usual. She frowned down at the fabric in her lap, reaching for her needles without looking. When she pricked her finger drawing it out of the minder, she bit off a curse and sighed heavily.

"Oi, watch your fingers." A slow, drawling voice from the doorway said. "You never pay enough attention. I bet you've pricked yourself twenty times already today." Hana didn't even try to hide her smile as her pulse raced in excitement.

"Welcome home." She said, keeping her eyes trained on the fabric in her lap. She heard his steady footfalls cross the room before he flopped onto the couch across from her. One arm reached up to cover his eyes, while the other tucked beneath his head for support. He sighed deeply, the picture of contentment.

"Yeah, I'm home." A quick grin crossed his face and before she knew it, he was sound asleep. Hana glanced up to the clock on her wall, pulled her needle carefully out of her minder, and resumed her stitching. All was well in her world.


	19. and still, the wind blows.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He is the smartest man they know,  
> and he is an idiot.

**Nineteen.**

 

When Temari came through town the next month, something about routine check-ups on allies and visits being in the name of fostering strong relationships (despite the fact that Suna couldn't have a stronger relationship with Konoha if they _tried_ , and Gaara very nearly adored Naruto), she cornered him exiting the Hokage's office.

"Spar with me tomorrow, Shika! For old time's sake!" The words were a question, but Temari always knew how to make her questions sound like demands. Shikamaru shrugged and agreed with relative grace, setting the spar for the next morning.

He left the house that day, telling Hana he'd be sparring with an old friend, and she'd offered to bring him lunch. She looked so sweet standing there in the kitchen, wearing one of his shirts with her hair mussed from sleep and the tiniest bit of crust in her eyes, that he'd just hummed in agreement and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of her mouth. The pink blush across her cheeks was a pleasant sight to walk out of the house on, even if there was slightly more swagger to his walk than normal.

He tracked Temari to one of the training fields near the edge of the Forest of Death, and the spar began with little ceremony. Time passed relatively quickly as they went, beating the crap out of each other and generally having a very good time of it. They'd given up ninjutsu fairly early in their spars, as the two of them were well-matched for a stand-still, and had moved instead straight into taijutsu. Neither of them were a match for Lee, Shikamaru didn't know  _anyone_ that wasn't Gai who was capable of matching Lee, but it was good fun all in the same. He had just managed to pin the Sand shinobi to a tree when he heard a quiet gasp near the edge of the training field. He saw Hana just out of the corner of his eye, her own eyes wide and a little bewildered, and Shikamaru took stock of the situation.

He and Temari were both barely dressed, having stripped various articles of clothing mid-spar, with a gust of wind cooling the sheen of sweat on their skin. It was precisely at the moment that Hana's eyes took in the way the two of them were pressed together - skin on skin on thin clothing and sweat, and somehow he'd never realized just how much beating the shit out of someone could be misconstrued as foreplay (despite all the times he'd been suckered into a spar with Naruto and Sasuke) - that Shikamaru realized that Hana just might draw all the wrong conclusions. It didn't help any matters at all that Temari fairly writhed against him, growling out a laugh with her fingers tight against his upper arms before singing out, "I forgot how strong you were Shika! It's been a long time since you pinned me down to something."

Shikamaru can see it when Hana physically shuts down. Her eyes snapped shut before opening wide, and he watched her take a deep breath before a polite smile wrenched its way onto her face.

"I brought you lunch," she managed to say, her voice somehow carrying across the distance with enough clarity that he can actually hear her heartache, "I'll just leave it here." Hana set the wrapped  _bentou_ down, somehow managing not to spill it, and was gone before Shikamaru could even reply.

He wasn't sure what he would have said, anyway.


	20. don't come any closer.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love doesn't hurt.  
> Expectations do.

**Twenty.**

 

Hana walked away from the training ground slowly, a sort of haze over her eyes. Her hands were clenched tightly into fists as she struggled to sort through her feelings.

She had known, offhandedly, that Shikamaru had previous relationships. The same sort of way that she'd known that the sky was blue or that her family was dead. It was information that she had processed and then put away, somewhere she didn't have to see it or deal with it and it couldn't hurt her.

She had even been vaguely aware that he'd somehow been connected to the sister of the Kazekage, although admittedly, she hadn't been exactly sure who that was until that afternoon.

And she and Shikamaru had never explicitly said that they were in a relationship - but it  _felt_ like one, felt like everything she'd thought a relationship was supposed to be - only that the two of them were interested in seeing where things went between them. She had thought that things had been going well, but the truth of it was, Shikamaru didn't owe her anything. He had complete freedom, they both did. He was completely able to see other people, even if it was crushing her.

She stopped for a moment to lean against the wall of a shop, pressing a hand to her chest and doing her best to bite back an aching sob. It was funny to her how freedom could feel so awful.

Except that it wasn't, not at all.


	21. i was not hers, she was not mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are few things that Temari regrets.  
> But Shikamaru is in love, and so it's enough.

**Twenty-One.**

 

Shikamaru had not, at that point, lived a long life. In fact, compared to most of the shinobi he knew and considered friends and comrades, he was among some of the youngest of them. But he hadn't made it as far in life as he had by being a moron, or subsisting on pure dumb luck.

Moments after Hana disappeared from sight of the training ground, he'd sighed - heavier than he could ever remember sighing before, which was saying something - and pushed away from Temari. The other shinobi wiped the sweat off her face and studied the young man in front of her. She glanced pointedly between Shikamaru and the empty space that the other woman had inhabited and laughed again - all throaty and feminine, even if it was just the smallest bit forced - before she reached out and pushed Shikamaru as hard as she could. He yelped ungracefully and nearly toppled over before catching his balance and turning to look at her.

"Why are you standing here with me looking stupid?" She asked, nonchalantly turning and collecting her various kunai that had been tossed around the training ground.

"There . . . may have been a misunderstanding that just happened here." Shikamaru managed finally, not meeting Temari's eyes. Temari shrugged her shoulders, reaching for a length of ninja cord to roll up. 

"And? What are you going to do about that?" She asked. When Shikamaru didn't answer, his eyes glued to the  _bentou_ sitting on a low stump, Temari sighed and shrugged her shoulders again. She leaned across the space between them and slapped the back of his head with enough force that the sound carried across the training ground.

"Go. I'm going to go." Shikamaru said, spurred into action by the force of Temari's slap. He met her eyes just long enough to give her a gentle grin before heading in the direction Hana had left. Temari watched him go with just the slightest twinge of regret curling in her chest. She pressed a hand against the firm bone of her sternum and sighed.

"I hope she's good to you." She offered him, moments before he was out of her sight completely. Shikamaru waved in response, and Temari shook her head. "I hope you're good to her, too." 

Shikamaru hoped so, too.


	22. you left no grace for me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealousy is the green-eyed monster.  
> And now it's Hana's turn.

**Twenty-two.**

 

Hana swallowed back her feelings enough to start walking again. She tried to reason with herself as she walked back to her house. It was their house now, Shikamaru had practically moved in. He had half a closet in her bedroom and his razor and toothbrush lived in her bathroom alongside her own things. He spent just as many nights curled against her in her bed as he did in his own, if not more. And even on the nights he did manage to sleep in his own apartment, if he was in town, he was seated at her table every single morning for breakfast.

She told herself that there was absolutely no reason for her to be jealous. That they'd never actually committed to each other. That there might have been nothing going on between the two of them - which was altogether much harder to convince herself of when she replayed the scene in her mind. Every time she closed her eyes she saw the two of them pressed together tightly, bare skin and sweat and that  _look_ in their eyes - adrenaline and excitement and something else altogether. 

Hana was not a fighter. She'd attempted once to join the academy, and she didn't have the aptitude for it. Her mother had never said she was disappointed, but Hana had always wondered how different her life might have been if she had been capable of it. She would never be able to rouse that sort of look from Shikamaru, she wasn't physically capable of it. She couldn't spar with him, couldn't fight at his side, couldn't protect him if she needed to. 

Her thoughts spiraled downward. Even if there had been something between the two of them - like an old flame rekindled, a lost love remembered - she wasn't necessarily privy to it. Nor was she allowed to be upset. It was what she kept telling herself, fighting back the tears that kept threatening to fall. 

Her downward spiral was interrupted by a hand snaking out of a surprisingly familiar alleyway and dragging her in.


	23. don't punish yourself.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He calls it running away.  
> She calls it survival.

**Twenty-three.**

 

Even without seeing him, Hana knew it was Shikamaru. His hands were on her, hot and heavy, as he tugged her into the shadow of the alley. One pressed firmly into the wall behind her head to keep the two of them balanced, while the other tightened around her waist.

She met his gaze easily, if not a little scared, and he stared down at her with a single-minded determination. They watched each other for a long moment, and then Shikamaru leaned in toward her.

Hana reached out a hand to press firmly against his chest - this was absolutely  _not_ the time to be revisiting the way they'd met - but Shikamaru only smirked at her. He leaned down slowly, bypassing her lips entirely as he leaned down to find her ears.

"Are you running away?" He asked, and his soft voice was a direct contrast to the hardness of his hands. Hana processed the words before flushing darkly. She met his eyes again.

"Is there something to run away from?" She asked, her voice sweet and easy if not entirely convincing. Shikamaru studied her - her eyes were damp with unshed tears and her lower lip was red and swollen from her teeth worrying it. He sighed and frowned.

"We were sparring," he began, nodding in the direction of the training grounds. Hana smirked in a very practiced way, tucking her emotions deep beneath her mask.

"Oh is that what you call it?" She asked, her voice still a sweet coo in his ear. Shikamaru nodded his head, opening his mouth to speak again, when Hana cut him off. "Looked an awful lot more friendly to me. Maybe it's my untrained eye. They teach you shinobi so much. I'm sure you were absolutely just sparring half-naked with your ex-girlfriend and pinning her to a tree, much like you're pinning me now to the wall of this alley. I'm sure there is a perfectly clear explanation for the situation I saw." The longer Hana spoke, the angrier she got. Shikamaru clicked his tongue.

"Troublesome." He said, and then he kissed her.


	24. you're the fire-starter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He kisses like he means it.  
> So does she.

**Twenty-Four.**

 

Shikamaru tasted like sweat and metal, and Hana indulged him for just the shortest moment before she was blindingly mad. How  _dare_ he kiss her like he means it?

"What do you think you're doing now?" She asked him, her words clipped and angry before shoving him back to arms length. He shrugged then, a smirk crossing his face as he met her eyes. 

"Sparring." Shikamaru answered, his voice low and delicious. Hana felt her heart skip a beat, but she forced herself to focus.

"I don't think so. You can't just . . . jump from me to her and back again. That's not how this works. That's not how I work." Her voice was firm when she spoke, even as she felt off kilter. When recognition lit up his face, Hana wondered if she wasn't the only one confused.

"Ah, I understand. You think that there's something between Temari and I." His voice was still low and delicious when he spoke, but Hana heard the edge of concern in it as well. Hana felt herself flushing with embarassment and hurt, even as she shook her head to agree.

"No. Yes. Maybe. I don't know. I know there used to be." Hana bit her lip, but all her words came rolling out against her. "I know that she's a shinobi like you and that she can understand everything you have to go through better than I can. I know that we aren't exactly exclusive. If there's something between you I don't exactly have a leg to stand on against it. I know that things with us are complicated, and I know that you dislike complicated things. I know that I am a seamstress, and it's not exactly a glamorous position, but I like my job, and I like you too, but I won't be used and discarded and if you care about me you'll understand that I can't let myself be used and I just -"

Hana stopped talking abruptly when Shikamaru sighed heavily. She met his eyes warily, ready for another lecture, when she noticed the soft grin on his face.

"I see." He began, cradling her cheek with the hand that had been resting against the wall. Despite herself, Hana leaned into the small embrace. "I see I'm going to have to clarify things. Troublesome." 

Hana opened her mouth to protest, when Shikamaru kissed her again. His mouth was soft against hers, gentle, and the kiss lasted less than a second. When he kissed her again, he tasted like everything she's ever wanted.


	25. true love finds us when it is time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are words to be said,  
> but they really don't communicate that way.

**Twenty-Five.**

 

Shikamaru met Hana's eyes steadily, even though his heart was trying to beat right out of his chest. He cleared his throat carefully.

"So there's no more misunderstandings, let me be clear." He began, making sure he had Hana's attention. "I want you. Only you. For the rest of time." His voice was heavy with promises, and his eyes were as serious as Hana had ever seen them. She wondered idly, in a part of her mind that wasn't breathless with anticipation, if anyone had ever looked at her like that before. Like she was precious. Like she was wanted. Shikamaru cleared his throat and started again.

"I do not have much to give, but it's yours. I will fight every battle for you, weather every storm. I will be your safety in a world that is unkind. You will never want for anything. Life will be cruel to us, but I will love you beyond it." The devotion in his words startled them both, but Shikamaru said them firmly. Hana felt her breath catch in her throat and her eyes grew suspiciously damp.

Shikamaru didn't shy away from her stare, his eyes earnest, even as his cheeks began to flame. Hana cleared her throat several times to no avail - even if she'd been able to speak, she didn't know what to say in the face of such heavy promises.

So she kissed him instead.

It was always the easiest way for them to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halfway through!  
> Thanks for sticking with me!  
> ~Queenie


	26. i'll crawl home to her.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Forever?"  
> "Forever."

**Twenty-Six.**

 

The walk home is quiet. They emerged from the alley a few minutes after his confession, looking rumpled but no less worse for wear. When Hana reached for his hand, it cost him nothing to oblige her.

He looked at their hands as they rounded the corner by their house, the way their fingers were twisted together. He would have to tell his mother soon, he imagined that she would be beside herself with glee. Shikamaru caught sight of the grin on Hana's face and saw that she was trying very hard not to look smug. Shikamaru tugged her closer, planting a soft kiss on her lips for good measure.

They paused in the doorway of Hana's house, and Shikamaru waited patiently.

"Forever?" She asked him, and her voice was very small. Her eyes were full of questions, and he kissed her, because he could not do anything but.

"Forever." He promised, soft and quiet against her lips like it was the most important promise he would ever make.

Turns out, it is.


	27. in the here and now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes I'm back there. Again."
> 
> "Well you're here, now."

He was sitting at the table, listening to Hana as she bustles about getting things ready for dinner, when it happened. She had fussed at him about cleaning his weapons at the table, but he hadn't missed the fond look she'd given him just afterward. He glanced up to watch her reach for something out of a cabinet - she was horribly accident prone, a fact he was not afraid to remind her of - and nicked his finger on the kunai he was cleaning. He glanced down to survey the damage and suddenly, he was miles and years away from the small cozy kitchen.  
  
Dug in on a chaotic battlefield, surrounded by the dead and dying, screams and smoke and chakra clogging his ears and eyes and throat. He's just watched his teacher die for the second time, listened with an aching heart to his father's final words, watched as people he loved and respected fell to the hands of broken people. Broken people who were trying to fix a world they didn't fit into anymore, by breaking it further.  
  
He's covered in blood. It's soaking through his clothes, matting in his hair, choking down his throat. The blood of friends, the blood of family, the blood of enemies - he can't tell the difference, it's all the same. It's all the same and he's covered in it, drowning in it, it's in everything he is - every single piece of him is dripping and filthy and -  
  
"Shikamaru?" Hana's voice was a soft tug at his ears, a gentle reminder of where he was and where he _wasn't_ anymore. He glanced to his right, seeing her standing over his shoulder with a pinched look of worry on her face. It was a long, hard moment of breathing before he could find his voice to answer her.  
  
"Sometimes, I'm back there. Again." He offered, his dark eyes going back to the shallow slice on his finger. He didn't have to say anything else - they all had awful memories from the war. She didn't need him digging hers out of the dark just to ease his. The blood had slowed to a gentle trickle, barely enough to warrant his attention at all. He felt Hana touch his shoulder gently, the warmth from her hand transferring through his shirt, but she didn't tell him he was going to be okay. She waited, and the two of them listened to his breathing even out to a steady pace.  
  
"Well," she said, finally, "you're here, now." If her voice was any softer, Shikamaru might think she was crying for him. As it was, he leaned into her touch and hummed softly in the back of his throat. She kissed his forehead, lingering for a moment at his hairline, before squeezing his shoulder and turning back toward the sink.  
  
"I was thinking we could have  _katsudon_ tonight. It's been a while since I made it though, so I don't know if it'll be as good as what Hinata-chan made at the last get together." Hana filled the quiet kitchen with the sounds of dinner preparation, and Shikamaru relaxed the grip he had on the weapon in his hand. He stared at the thin slice - barely longer than an inch or so - for another moment before pushing the chair back from the table and joining Hana at the kitchen counter. He tugged her back into his chest for a quick hug, pressing a kiss into the soft space behind her ear.  
  
"Thank you." He said, and the gentle smile she gave him in return told him she knew exactly what he meant by it. She leaned back to steal a quick kiss before turning back to the sink. If he was slightly more affectionate during dinner prep than strictly necessary, she deigned not to point it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not abandoned this story! I'm still working on it - albeit very slowly. Thank you so much for sticking with me! There will still be updates happening - I am seeing this through to the end.


	28. sick days.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shikamaru has suspicions and  
> Sasuke is suspicious.

"The Hokage will not be in today."  
  
Shikamaru glanced up from the report he was trying - and failing - to read for the last hour to meet the serious eyes of Sasuke. Their interactions had been mostly polite, even borderline friendly, for the last ten years but this was the first time Sasuke had ever willingly acted as a messenger for Naruto. Feeling a migraine already building behind his left eye, Shikamaru set the report down to fully meet Sasuke's gaze.  
  
"And why is that?" He asked, feeling very much as though he was going to regret the answer. Sasuke shifted on his feet for moment, the barest hint that he might be uncomfortable, but he answered Shikamaru regardless.  
  
"He is sick."  
  
Shikamaru's eyes narrowed as he stared at the man in front of him. Shikamaru had known Naruto his entire life. Perhaps not as well as Sakura or Kakashi, and certainly not as intimately as Sasuke did. But his job was to know things, and people specifically, and the last time Naruto had been sick enough to not come to work, he was regrowing most of his internal organs and one of his arms. It was highly suspicious that Naruto could be sick enough not to show up. Sasuke met his gaze steadily, unflinching, but Shikamaru did not get to where he was in life by being gullible or impatient. So he waited.  
  
It was a very long, stifling fifteen minutes before Sasuke sighed nearly imperceptibly in what could only be defeat.  
  
"I may have been . . . over-zealous in my . . .  _affections_ last night." The words were said with a slight hesitation, but Sasuke didn't turn his gaze from Shikamaru's. If he'd been ashamed of his relationship with Naruto, Shikamaru might have protested it more loudly. As it was, Sasuke had loudly and clearly declared his intentions toward Naruto within a few short hours of his return to the village.   
  
Shikamaru was privately amazed that it had taken that long, honestly, since Naruto had been chasing after his  _affections_ for the better part of three years. A fond grin found its way to his face as Shikamaru fondly remembered the murderous look on Sakura's face when she found the two of them doing their best to taste each other's tonsils after waking from surgery. Sasuke was still staring at him though, waiting for a response of some kind, so Shikamaru let out a small laugh.  
  
"I presume that Hokage-sama will be recovered from his . . . illness by tomorrow morning?" He asked, one eyebrow arched high over keen eyes. Sasuke blushed the barest amount, just a light flush of overly pale skin, but nodded curtly before disappearing in a swirl of leaves.  
  
Shikamaru shook his head and smiled fondly before sighing deeply and kicking his feet up onto his desk.  
  
 _I wonder if I could convince Hana I took a sick day. I wonder if I could convince_ Hana _to take a sick day._  
  
And with that thought, Shikamaru left the office with a skip in his step and certain  _ideas_ about how to spend the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how one of those tags up there is 'probable OOC'? Cause I do.


	29. lover, please stay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are responsibilities, and Shikamaru is a responsible man.  
> He is also in love.

Twenty-Nine.

 

Despite wanting to rush home directly after speaking with Sasuke, Shikamaru manages to put in effort for the better part of the morning. He reads through reports and files them diligently. He responds to several letters waiting for Naruto's input - letters that Shikamaru had been hounding the Hokage about for the better part of a week.  
  
 _"Hokage-sama," he'd said, and he only ever called Naruto_ Hokage-sama _to his face when he was aggravated, "you can't ignore letters from the Daimyo's. They get antsy, and then they send more letters, and then they get more upset, and then they send representatives, and I have to deal with them."  Shikamaru had glanced to Sasuke to see if he could find some kind of support there, but the other man had been studiously ignoring him. It was probably for the better, he supposed.  
  
Naruto had sighed then, in a very put upon way that Shikamaru knew very well. He'd glanced at Shikamaru over the top of what appeared to be Iruka-sensei's latest report from the academy. The newest group of genin looked very promising, from what Shikamaru had seen during his last trip to the academy. Iruka-sensei still lead with an iron fist and a good heart.  
  
"They can wait another day, Shika." Naruto had sighed, sinking back into his chair and beginning to twist it idly with the toe of one shoe. "It's just some hot air around a border dispute they want settled. They can wait. There are starving people on those borders, and no less than four towns in that stretch that have more children than adults. And those towns are asking for our help first." Naruto met Shikamaru's gaze evenly. "So yes, I can ignore the Daimyo's right now Shika. The kids come first."  
  
  
_And Shikamaru had once again been reminded why Naruto was always the brightest of their age group, regardless of what some test scores had said. It was very likely that Naruto  _had_ already responded to the Daimyo's requests, and they hadn't liked his answer. In any case, it was Shikamaru's job to tidy up the paperwork, and when he wasn't busy ignoring the fact that he had that responsibility, he was quite good at it. Shikamaru stacked his papers neatly when he was finished and cleared off his desk. He stared at the neat desk for a long moment before coming to a decision.  
  
"I think I'm calling it a day, too." he announced to the empty office. There was birdsong just outside the open windows, and he could hear laughter drifting in from the market below. He stood from his desk and stretched, and headed for the door. He walked slowly down the stairs and out of the building, waving and nodding at familiar faces as he passed. He found himself outside Hana's door before he expected, and he studied it for a moment before letting himself inside. He could hear music drifting from the kitchen as he toed off his shoes, and he made his way quietly to the door of the kitchen to observe.  
  
Hana was dancing around the kitchen as she gathered things for lunch. The song on the radio had a soft, crooning sort of melody, and she swayed to and fro as she sang along. He leaned quietly against the wall, enjoying the way her curly hair swayed as she danced. She made her way from one end of the kitchen to the other - her singing growing in volume as she went - before she noticed him standing there, and her squeak of surprise made him laugh.  
  
"I didn't expect you home so soon," she said, pressing a hand to her racing heart. Her tone was scolding, but she was smiling as she said it. Shikamaru made his way across the kitchen and pulled her into a deep kiss, enjoying the way she sighed into his mouth happily. The radio played on behind them, another low and slow song, and he tugged Hana closer and slid a hand into her hair.  
  
"I missed you today," he told her, sighing against her mouth. A low moan slipped from between her lips even as they curved into a smile. She wound her fingers into the fabric of his shirt, tugging him even closer.  
  
"I missed you too," she answered, nipping his lip gently before she pulled away. "I take it you're joining me for lunch?" She asked after she managed to slip completely out of his arms. He managed a convincing sigh before sinking into his chair at the table. Hana laughed again, his favorite laugh of hers - low and husky, well-kissed and the most beautiful melody he knew - and pulled out more food from the fridge.  
  
And for one single afternoon, filled with kisses and sweet, soft music, everything was beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO terribly sorry it's taken me so long to finish this. I have every single chapter written now, they just need to uploaded. There will be 50 total. I would upload them all right now, but I have been awake for almost an entire day and we have been travelling. Thank you for sticking with me through this long period of silence, and I hope you enjoy the rest of these chapters as much as you've enjoyed the previous ones. Thank you again! <3 Queenie~


	30. you've already got it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shikamaru has two strong-willed, troublesome women central to his life,  
> and somehow, he's never really been happier.

Thirty.  
  
  
Shikamaru finally got the courage to properly introduce Hana to his mother about a month after his 'sick day'. Hana had been less than pleased to learn that his mother hadn't exactly known about their relationship.  
  
 _"Shikamaru Nara," she'd started, her eyes narrowed, "do you mean to tell me that your mother has no idea we're dating?" The words were phrased as a question, but Nara men knew a trap when they saw one. He shrugged one shoulder delicately, but didn't fully meet her eyes.  
  
_ _"Not exactly . . ." he hedged, focusing on the table before him, "she knows that we spend a lot of time together, and that I like you . . ." movement drew his eyes just in time to feel a swat to the back of his head.  
  
_ _"You go get your mother this instant. And you apologize to her!" Hana insisted, shooing him out of the house with all the force he'd come to expect from the troublesome women in his life. He'd sighed very softly, but did as she asked and brought his mother over for dinner.  
  
After dinner that night, as he'd walked his mother home, she'd pinched his side slightly.  
  
_ _"I can't believe you've let me wait this long to meet that girl." Yoshino scolded him. Shikamaru had the grace to blush and dip his head.  
  
_ _"I was afraid the two of you wouldn't get along. And I didn't want to have to choose between the two of you, because I know I would have chosen you." He answered honestly. Yoshino smiled up at her son. He looked more like his father every day. They walked the rest of the way to her home in silence, and he'd just leaned down to kiss her cheek when she spoke again.  
  
_ _"You love that girl, don't you?" She asked him, eyes narrowed as she studied him. He blushed faintly, but his voice was strong when he answered her.  
  
_ _"Yes. More than I knew I was capable of."  Shikamaru met his mother's eyes, and she studied him for a moment longer before smiling widely at him.  
  
_ _"Your father would have liked her." She told him, turning to enter the house. "She would have made him laugh."  
  
_ _And Shikamaru thought about that the entire way back to Hana's house, and the way it made his father's absence just that much easier to bear.  
  
_ Looking back on that night, he wasn't sure why he'd been worried about the two of them meeting. They were two strong-willed, troublesome women with a vested interest in his happiness. How could they not get along? Maybe Nara men had a type, he'd decided. _  
  
_It made something warm in him though, in the months after, when he'd come home to find Hana and his mother sewing or winding yarn together. They were always laughing, heads bent close as they talked. Or he'd find them in the kitchen, watching Hana dutifully stirring something on the stove as his mother taught her a new recipe. It made the hole his father left in his life ache just a little around the edges.  
  
Time drifted in the months that followed in a slow wave, and Shikamaru had been beginning to think that he could almost forget all the ugliness that came with shinobi life. Missions had been fairly standard for the last few months - running the gamut between errand runs, protection orders, and the occasional rogue nin. He'd been devoting his time to the political side of Naruto's office, while also overseeing the running of the Nara household. And then, in the few quiet hours he had each night, he'd tucked himself around Hana in her bed, watching the way she breathed. It was all just enough to keep him steady.  
  
There was something about her that eased him in a way he hadn't really known had needed easing. The way she opened her heart and her home for him, the way she always had, ever since that first afternoon in the rain.   
  
He should have known it was only a matter of time before everything fell apart.  
  
He was on his way to the Hokage's office one morning - Naruto had a meeting with the Daimyo that he'd been putting off, but Shikamaru had planned this one, and had even managed to get Sasuke's help in getting Naruto to sit through it - when a breathless chuunin nearly trampled him. Shikamaru watched the young man racing through the halls of the Hokage tower, and followed him at a more sedate pace. He wondered what could have the chuunin so worked up so early in the morning.  
  
When he walked into the office, a few moments behind the chuunin, the young man was speaking quickly and breathlessly to Naruto.  
  
"Hokage-sama, we've just recieved an urgent missive from the Land of Bears. Hoshikage-sama says there was another star to fall, and there are crops burning and people dying. They're desperate, Hokage-sama, and they're asking for help." The chuunin said, and he shoved the paper onto Naruto's desk. Naruto scanned the letter briefly, his face growing darker and darker with each word he read. He met Shikamaru's eyes, and Shikamaru knew the impotent energy Naruto was feeling, the urge to go and run and  _protect_.   
  
Shikamaru knew that Naruto loved his village, loved being the Hokage, and wouldn't have traded it. But he also knew that Naruto sometimes hated the way his position kept him tied inside the village.  
  
"Shika," Naruto started, holding Shikamaru's gaze, "I want you to go and find out what is happening. I'm sending you ahead, a support team will be following. Gather what you need, and I want you on the way by nightfall."  
  
Shikamaru left the office five minutes later, mission directives in hand, feeling ash in his mouth for reasons he couldn't fully explain.


	31. what I've tasted of love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is waiting,  
> and then there is Waiting.  
> Hana is tired of both.

Thirty-One.  
  
  
Shikamaru had been gone long enough for Hana to grow antsy.  
  
He had come home distracted, the day he left for the mission. He'd eaten lunch with Hana, kissed her deeply, and told her about it after. His cheeks had been flushed, and he was just slightly breathless, but his eyes were worried.  
  
"There's been a request for aid from Hoshi. The Hokage has asked me to go scout ahead of a recon team. I'll be back soon," he promised, kissing her again.   
  
His hands slid up her back and one curled into her hair. She writhed against him, a soft moan in the back of her throat, and he pulled her closer to him.   
  
"Stay safe," she managed, pulling away just enough to kiss his chin. He mumbled something into the curls by her face and she tightened her grip on him.  
  
"Hey!" she said, pushing him back just a little. He met her eyes, waiting. "You go on this mission and you do what you need to do. What I know you're very good at. But then you come home to me. You understand? You come  _home_. To me." she emphasized, holding his stare. Shikamaru gathered both of her hands into his and pressed a kiss to them.  
  
"I will always come home to you." He'd promised, and then he'd gone.  
  
But it'd been nearly a month, and no one would tell her anything. She'd tried to be calm and patient, but all of his other missions had had a set end date, something she could use to prove that time had moved since he'd left.   
  
"He'll be back soon, he's fine." The chuunin in the missions office were beginning to grow weary of her, seeing her there looking for news, but their voices were always kind.  
  
So, Hana waited. She did her best to keep her life in order, keep following her routines, despite feeling like she was falling apart. She spent time with his mother, and made time for her friends. And each day passed, slowly, and she weathered it silently.  
  
She did ask his mother once, when he'd been gone about two weeks and she'd finally felt brave enough to ask, how she had managed to stand it when his father had been gone. Yoshino had smiled and covered Hana's hands with her own. Her smile was a littler sadder than Hana thought she'd meant it to be, but it was there nonetheless.  
  
"You remember that he promised to come home. And that he always keeps his promises."   
  
And when she walked home that evening, Hana tried to reconcile it within herself. She knew it when they started dating that this was part of the package of falling in love with a shinobi - and that brought Hana up short.  
  
When did it become love? When did she realize? Did he know? Did she ever tell him? Did she ever say it in anything other than the way she looked at him?  
  
Before she could completely work herself into a froth about this new revelation, she felt a sharp prick in her neck, and then everything was dark.


	32. the devil on your shoulder.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hana does not have a frame of reference for this,  
> but she will never show that.

Thirty-Two.  
  
  
Some time later, although she couldn't have said how long, Hana woke in a cave. It took her a few long minutes to shake off whatever she'd been drugged with and come to full awareness.  
  
There was moss growing on the walls around her, and somewhere near her she could hear the gentle trickle of water. There was little light, but what light there was was enough to help her make out the rough shapes of the rocks near her. She tried to discern anything else, but other than knowing that the gentle trickling sound meant that she was near water, she didn't know what else she could learn from the cave.  
  
_If only I'd let okaasan teach me some things._ Hana thought briefly. Her joints were aching like she'd been tangled up, and her hands and feet were bound tightly with some intricate ropework. There'd been a gag in her mouth until recently she thought. Her mouth was dry and her tongue felt scratchy and swollen.   
  
A shifting sound brought her attention forward, and she made out the dim shape of three men standing before her. They were ragged and dirty looking, but she could make out little else in the dim light. They wore no hitai-ate that she could see, but even if they had, she knew those things could be faked. She could just make out the knife-sharp grin on the face of the man directly in front of her before he spoke.  
  
"Did you have a nice nap, Ms. Hana?" If she hadn't been confused upon waking, she certainly was now.   
  
_How does he know my name?_  
  
"I'm sorry, do I know you?" she managed to ask, and though her throat was dry and clicked horribly, her voice was unwavering. There was no shame in feeling fear, she knew, but she would not give her captors the satisfaction of knowing she was afraid. The man's smile grew wider as he watched her.  
  
"No, no, there's no reason you should know someone like me. But I do have someone I'd very much like you to meet." As he spoke, lights flared in the cave. She winced as torches came to light all around her, giving her a better view of the cave she was in.  
  
The ceiling was wide and sprawling, stretching far above them, and there was a wide pool across from her where water had trickled in from some outside source. Moss grew up the cave walls, and the whole thing seemed more like a grotto than a proper cave.  
  
Directly across from her though - no more than five feet from where she was sprawled - stood a pedestal, on top of which appeared to rest someone's severed head. She stared at it in confusion, unsure what the macabre scene had to do with her, when the head's eyes popped open. Their horrible purple gaze was focused directly on Hana and filled with unchecked rage. The man who had been speaking bowed deeply toward the head on the pedestal before he spoke again.  
  
"Hidan-sama will take you to Jashin, Ms. Hana."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a side note, Hidan is *technically* still alive in both the manga and the show. He's effectively immortal. He's starving to death in a hole in the ground on Nara land, but still alive. It's going to get worse for Hana before it gets better, but I promise it's going to get better. Thanks for reading! ~Queenie


	33. in the dust.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hana has known fear before.  
> It doesn't help her.

Thirty-three.  
  
  
Hana had felt fear before. Many different kinds in many different ways.  
  
Before the war it had been childish fears -falling from a great height, scraping her knees. Breaking a toy she loved, or her brother popping out to scare her.  
  
The war had given her a whole host of new fears - enemy shinobi, the village itself being blow apart several times, and the death of everyone she'd loved.  
  
And even after the war, she still found things to be afraid of - mostly that she would lose Shikamaru.  
  
Even still, Hana had thought she had felt every kind of fear there was to be felt. But as those cold purple eyes stared at her from across the cave, she felt a brand new kind of fear.  
  
 _I'm not going to make it out of this cave alive._ Hana thought, cold dread reaching up from her stomach to choke her. The head on the pedestal laughed a high, keening shriek of a laugh.  
  
"That Shikamaru thinks he's so clever. Blew me to pieces! But you can't stop Jashin, and I'm his most loyal priest. Have you heard of Jashin?" The head on the pedestal asked her. Her mouth was dry as she tried to swallow. She couldn't make herself answer.  
  
The first man reached out and grabbed hold of her chin tightly, and his rough fingers dug in deep.  
  
"Hidan-sama asked you a question, Ms. Hana." The man said pointedly, and his fingers grew tighter with each word he spoke. Hana managed to squeak out something that sounded like a 'no' and the man let her go, apparently satisfied.  
  
The head - 'Hidan-sama', she supposed - grinned at her menacingly. She felt a shiver race its way down her spine.  
  
"Oh, don't worry that pretty little head of yours about that, Hana. You'll know him very well soon enough."  
  
 _I'm not going to make it out of this cave,_ Hana thought again, wincing as the man yanked her up by her bound wrists and began dragging her.  _I'm sorry Shikamaru. I never told you goodbye._


	34. you and i would be just fine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shikamaru is suspicious and anxious,  
> and it's no one's business but his own.

Thirty-four.  
  
  
The building that Shikamaru was crouched beside was completely empty. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for anymore.  
  
He had done what Naruto had asked him to do. He'd followed up with every worrying report. Every crop that had supposedly burned, every villager supposedly sick. And he could find nothing.  
  
All the fields were fine, the villagers pleasant and well.  
  
He'd been trying to follow the trail of destruction, but he just couldn't find any of it. It was beginning to test his patience.  
  
Naruto had asked him to wait just one night longer. To monitor this warehouse that had supposedly been the base of operations.  
  
It hadn't been hard to find, and that alone was setting Shikamaru's nerves on edge. Criminal masterminds should have bases that were harder to find.  
  
He had been thinking of abandoning his post and heading home. Every report to Naruto had been the same - he'd found nothing new, nothing conclusive, no evidence of hardship of any kind. No evidence of any new star falling.  
  
He adjusted his crouch, easing the strain on his knees, and thought about home. Home had been sounding more and more appealing with every wasted moment - the warm little house on the corner of the street, piles of yarn and fabric, fresh baked things, laughter and  _Hana._  
  
He had been reaching for paper to send a note ahead to the Hokage - thinking the whole while of how happy he would be to see Hana again - when the tree beside him was struck with the biggest bolt of lightning he'd ever seen, instantly igniting the dry wood of the tree.  
  
Shikamaru was not a superstitious man by any stretch of the word, but something about it sent his senses on high alert. He wasn't quite sure why, but he had been beginning to think that the whole chase around the Land of Bears had been some kind of elaborate trap.  
  
 _But for who, and why?_  
  
He took a last look at the building he'd been watching for the last six hours before he turned and began running for home. If he ran just a little bit faster than he needed to, well, it was no one's business but his own.


	35. goddamn right, you should be scared of me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't want anything to do with you. But that bastard Shikamaru, now, him I want to destroy. You are just the tool I am going to use to do it."

Thirty-Five.  
  
  
Hana had lost track of time somewhere between when the man - Kabanoki, he told her, knife-grin still firmly in place on his pale, dirty face - tied her to the table and when he brought out the knives.  
  
Hidan had been chanting steadily after their introduction, his shrieking voice going on and on about Jashin and Hana's righteous sacrifice.   
  
"I don't understand, why did you take me? What do you want with me?" Hana managed to ask, her voice terribly thin and crackling with the dryness in her throat. Hidan laughed his cruel, awful laugh. Kabanoki was tightening the ropes at her wrists, and he laughed along with his master.  
  
"I don't. I don't want anything to do with you. But that bastard Shikamaru, now, him I want to destroy. You are just the tool I am going to use to do it." Hidan's voice was high and cruel, almost manic as he spoke to her. Hana shivered against the metal table as she listened to it.  
  
The cave was still brightly lit by a ring of torches, and that meant that Hana was very capable of seeing the light glinting off the very sharp set of knives Kabanoki had laid beside her head. He reached out and tugged a single strand of hair off her head, and picked up two small knives from the set.   
  
They were beautiful pieces of work, if she thought about them objectively. The handles were laid with what appeared to be hand-carved pearl, and the blades were the swirled steel she'd seen once or twice in the blacksmith's shop. Kabanoki tested the sharpness of the blades against the single strand of hair, laughing meanly when they split the hair without a snag. Then Kabanoki began chanting too, some sort of prayer over the very sharp knives in his hands.  
  
"I'm going to start small," he said, his gaze moving between Hana's face and the knives in his hands, "Hidan-sama said to, to make this sacrifice perfect. It's my first time, after all." He seemed almost apologetic, and his pale face creased with worry as he spoke. He reached out and brushed Hana's hair away from her face, and Hana fought back a furious shiver as he did so. Kabanoki frowned again.  
  
"It's a shame that Shikamaru won't be here to witness this glorious sacrifice himself, but HIdan-sama promises that Jashin with honor the sacrifice regardless." His smile was cruel as he ripped the tunic from her chest and yanked her pants off of her. She was left shivering against the table in her breastband and panties, and her fingernails were cutting tiny crescent moons into the skin of her palms as she squeezed her hands into fists.  
  
Hana had promised herself that she wouldn't go quietly, that she wouldn't give them the satisfaction of an easy time. And before she could stop herself, Hana was moving, pulling and tugging against the bonds that had been used to tie her down. Kabanoki frowned down at her sternly before pressing one of his large hands hard against her stomach.  
  
"Be still, Ms. Hana." Kabanoki began, and an ugly grin stretched across his face, his pale teeth shining down at her as he leaned closer. "You're only going to make it hurt worse."  
  
Hana had also promised herself the moment he'd tied her to the table that she wouldn't scream. She bit straight through her lip with the effort of holding in any sound, but before he was through, Hana screamed until she had no breath left to scream with.


	36. i'm trying to come home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It shouldn't be there, but it is.  
> She should be here, but she isn't.

Thirty-Six.  
  
  
Shikamaru had sent a letter ahead, telling Naruto that he'd be returning home to regroup and brainstorm with the recon team that had been questioning the villagers. There was nothing to be found in the Land of Bears, of that he was certain. Someone had sent them on the runaround, and he was very interested in discovering who.  
  
He made it into town, waving at the chuunin at the gate, and turned down the street toward Hana's. He'd need to make a report in person, of course, but Naruto would understand. He'd missed Hana something fierce.  
  
He was halfway through the market before someone stopped him. One of Hana's friends - the lady who ran the tea shop Hana liked best, an older lady named Kiyoka - had snagged him by the arm, and her face was worried.  
  
"Shikamaru, it's about Hana. No one has seen or heard from her in a few days. We're not even sure she's there. It's not like her disappear like this." Kiyoka's voice was low and worried, and it took a moment for Shikamaru to understand what he was being told. He stared at her for a moment before he was running, racing through the village as fast as he possibly could.  
  
He was barely through the doorway of the house, shouting her name desperately, when he saw it.  
  
Sitting on the small table in the entryway, completely innocuous in spite of the fact that it shouldn't have been there at all - a bloody, battered hitai-ate, and Asuma's lighter.  
  
He felt his knees hit the floor, a choked sound caught in his throat as he stared at the two items.  
  
 _How? How could this be here?_  
  
He made his way to his feet and picked the items up with shaking hands. Shikamaru studied them for a long moment. This was definitely Asuma's lighter. He'd recognize it anywhere. And the last time he'd seen it, he was throwing it toward Hidan, igniting the many exploding tags he'd been trapped in. And this hitai-ate . . .   
  
Shikamaru turned the ragged headband over in his hands, feeling the deep slash across the symbol of Yugakure. There was absolutely no way it could be there. He'd buried Hidan beneath a mound of dirt on Nara land. There was no way someone could have made it in to dig him out. And yet, there the items were, heavy and damning in his hands.  
  
He left the house, moving toward the Hokage tower faster than he ever had before. He ignored the chuunin calling out to him, and slammed into Naruto's office.  
  
Naruto was seated at his desk, discussing something with Kakashi. The two of them looked up, worry on their faces as they saw Shikamaru rushing into the room. He slammed the items down onto Naruto's desk, unable to meet Naruto's eyes.  
  
"Someone has taken Hana, and it has something to do with Hidan. I  _have_ to get her back, Naruto." His voice cracked dangerously as he spoke. He felt the weight of tears and panic building up in his chest. Kakashi placed a hand on his shoulder, and his dark eye was filled with concern. Naruto picked up the items and turned them over in his hands before he handed them to Kakashi.  
  
"Take these down to the lab, Shikamaru. Mayu is there now, and she's an excellent tracker. Kakashi-sensei, call Ino and Choji. Have them meet Shikamaru there." Naruto's voice was firm and Shikamaru was grateful for the strength of his friend. Naruto stood and moved around the desk to stand beside Shikamaru as Kakashi disappeared in a whirl of leaves.  
  
"We're going to find her Shika. I promise you. No matter who took her. We're going to find her and she's going to be okay." Shikamaru finally met Naruto's eyes, and in them he saw the unshakable faith that had given Shikamaru the strength to get through so many other things he hadn't thought he'd survive. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and took the hand Naruto held out to him. He gripped it tight in his, staring at the man he'd chosen as his leader.  
  
"I hope so."


	37. when you need to know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choji and Ino have stood by his side through everything.  
> He never thought he'd ever need them for something like this.

Thirty-Seven.  
  
  
Ino had been spending her free afternoons practicing with Sakura. It was still something of a sore point that Sakura had made leaps and bounds with her medical ninjutsu while Ino was still learning. But she enjoyed the time she spent training with Sakura, even if it cost her a little something of her pride.  
  
They were working on a particularly delicate bit of healing - reconnecting severed veins during a fight - when Kakashi appeared in a swirl of leaves, completely distracting Ino and causing her subject to bleed profusely. Sakura had begun winding up to a proper bluster when Kakashi had interrupted, speaking in that quiet serious voice he used sometimes.  
  
"I apologize for the intrusion, but something's happened. Hokage-sama requests that you meet Shikamaru in the lab, Ino." He nodded to the both of them, and then he was gone again. Ino turned to meet Sakura's bewildered stare.  
  
"I hope everything's okay." Sakura said warily, a deep furrow growing between her eyes. Ino patted her friend on the shoulder after she wiped off her hands.  
  
"Me too."

* * *

Kakashi found Choji out in one of the lesser-used practice fields, sparring with Kiba and Shino.  
  
"Choji, Hokage-sama requests your presence at the lab." Kakashi said by way of greeting, expertly dodging a blow from Kiba and knocking Shino back onto his butt. Choji had nodded, confused, and watched Kakashi disappear in a swirl of leaves.  
  
"Better go see what the Hokage needs. Next week, same time?" Choji asked, waving to Kiba and Shino. They nodded their assent, and Choji triggered a  _shunshin_ and found himself outside the Hokage tower.  
  
He met up with Ino in the hallway, also headed to the lab, and he began to grow worried. The two of them silently made their way to the lower levels of the tower, where the lab was built, in an uneasy silence. Whey they rounded the final bend in the hallway, they found Shikamaru already there. He was pacing the long hallway faster than Choji had ever seen him.  
  
Shikamaru had always had a tendency to pace when he thought too fast to sit still, but Choji had never seen him so agitated.  
  
"Shika, what's happened?" Ino asked, moving into Shikamaru's path and trying to meet his eyes. His face was red and his eyes were damp, and Choji felt a cold sense of dread spread through him.  
  
"Someone's taken Hana." Shikamaru answered, his voice clipped and full of barely-contained fear. He nodded into the open room just beyond him. Across the room was a strange array of technology that Choji didn't fully understand. The chuunin at the controls - and he recognized her as Mayu, a soft-spoken tracker nin with a penchant for senbon and sake - was muttering hurriedly under her breath as she fiddled with a keyboard in front of her.  
  
"Whoever took her left Asuma's lighter, and Hidan's headband sitting on the small table inside the house. I know that both of those things were buried with Hidan. Which means that Hidan is involved. Mayu is analyzing the items, trying to find who might have dug them up and where they might have gone." His eyes were glazed a little as he stared between the two of them and into the middle distance. Ino moved to place a hand on his shoulder, but thought better of it. She met Choji's eyes with a worried glance. Shikamaru inhaled a shaky breath.  
  
"We're going to find out who took her, and we're going to track them down, and them I'm going to destroy them." He promised, and there was violence in his voice.   
  
Choji thought about the young woman while Shikamaru resumed his pacing. She was sweet and outspoken, and she laughed more than anyone he knew.  
  
Ino had said once that Hana had the perfect villain's laugh, one night when they were all out drinking. Hana had been mildly offended until Choji had laughed loudly, wrapped an arm around Hana's shoulders, and told her that all the best people had villain laughs.   
  
"Why would anyone take Hana?" Choji asked softly. Ino frowned deeply and Shikamaru ran a hand over his face.  
  
"They're trying to hurt me. No one else would have left the lighter and the headband. They're after me." Shikamaru said. Choji watched Shikamaru as he continued pacing the small hallway. He listened to the agitated murmurs from inside the lab. Ino leaned into his shoulder.  
  
"We have to bring her back, Choji." Ino said, grave and quiet. "We cannot let her die."  
  
Choji didn't answer her for a long moment.  
  
"I know."


	38. the girl you hit and run.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hana is alive,  
> but it's really just a matter of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning* Please be aware that there is torture and blood mentioned throughout this chapter.

Thirty-Eight.  
  
  
Hana came awake slowly. She didn't remember passing out. Her head was pounding, racing around in a pattern that matched the hateful laughter echoing in the cave.  
  
"You have a gift, Ms. Hana." Kabanoki said to her, somehow sounding awed. Hana tried to lift her head and focus on him, but moving at all made waves of nausea roll through her.   
  
"You're one of the first to ever last long enough to move into the second phase." Kabanoki's voice was manically pleased. She saw him lean over her, presumably to make eye contact. Hana's eyes took a long moment to focus. When they did, she could see Hidan's head just beyond Kabanoki, grinning coldly at her.  
  
"Jashin will be pleased with this sacrifice!" Hidan cackled, and Kabanoki practically glowed with the phase. "I was certain you'd slip away long before this part was finished, but you seem to have hidden strengths." Hidan's grin was hateful in the light of the cave.  
  
Hana hurt in every part of her body. There were various thin slashes across her stomach that spread outward and moved up her arms and legs, a complicated pattern of seals carved into her skin. Kabanoki, still beaming with an insane sort of pride, reached out and quickly untied Hana's bonds.  
  
She thought, for the barest moment, that he might be letting her go, before he flipped her over. Hana moaned weakly as the impact of the table against the fresh cuts sent pain rolling through her.   
  
Kabanoki stretched her limbs out, once more securing her in place with tight knots. He pulled what was left of her tunic and pants off the back of her and tossed them to the side. He then leaned down close to her, moving the heavy weight of her hair off her back to hang over her face.  
  
"It's time to start the second half, Ms. Hana." His rough hands trailed almost lovingly across her bare shoulders, and despite the pain in her body, Hana shivered with revulsion. She heard Kabanoki laugh.  
  
"This sacrifice is to show how great Hidan-sama truly is. His ultimate work." Kabanoki leaned closer, speaking directly against her ear. "I hope you make it further, Ms. Hana. Jashin will be so pleased."  
  
And then the world narrowed down into the bright, slicing pain of his knives.


	39. the reason you can't go home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'What is left of me to cut?'  
> There was always something left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning* Please be aware that there is torture and blood mentioned throughout this chapter.

Thirty-Nine.  
  
  
Hana didn't know how long she'd been in the cave, strapped to the little metal table.  
  
She hurt everywhere.  
  
All of her limbs were oozing blood, a slow trickle that she could actually measure in time with the sluggish beat of her heart. She was going to die in the cave, of that she was certain.  
  
She didn't understand why she hadn't died already. It was a cruel type of survival that kept you living when you didn't want to.  
  
She could barely understand the words Kabanoki was speaking to her as he continued to carve into her skin with the sharp little knives.  
  
 _What is left of me to cut?_ She wondered idly, the thought somehow clear through the fog of her pain.  
  
Torture had a way of numbing you, she was learning. It all hurt, it was all pain, but it was a constant level of pain. Somehow bearable for how much of it she was in. She thought it might have something to do with the overload of sensation, but the harder she tried to think about it, the less it mattered.  
  
She heard a distant clatter, as though Kabanoki had dropped his knives to the floor, and then Hidan's voice rose through the din of her pain.  
  
"And now, Hana, the  _real_ sacrifice begins." His laugh was more crazed than it had been before. Kabanoki untied her arms and legs and dragged her from the table. She hit the ground with a thud that sent a fresh wave of pain through her entire body, and she felt herself throwing up whatever little was left in her stomach. Kabanoki's laugh was a cruel mirror of Hidan's as he dragged her along the rough ground.  
  
Hana couldn't help the sob that escaped her, and it sent Hidan into a fresh round of laughter. Kabanoki's hand grew tighter around her wrist where he held her, and he pulled her hard enough to pull her arm out of socket. She sobbed and gagged as the pain rolled through her.  
  
She could see Shikamaru's smile in her head, a gentle thing, and she held it close to her. She would never see it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SWEAR IT GETS BETTER I'M SORRY.


	40. lonely summer.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't know how he managed to survive,  
> but he swears he won't survive their next meeting.

Forty.  
  
  
A triumphant yell from within the small room drew their attention. Mayu was racing toward them, holding a piece of paper out to them.  
  
"I found them. It's a half-day's hard run from here." She said. Shikamaru thanked her profusely before he was running toward Naruto's office. Choji and Ino followed him just as fast.  
  
When he barged into the office again, Kakashi and Naruto were discussing something in hushed tones, and Sasuke was eyeing the two of them warily. When Naruto saw Shikamaru though, he stood from the chair.  
  
"Did she find it?" He asked, eyes darting to the paper in Shikamaru's hands. Shikamaru held it out to Naruto before speaking.  
  
"Mayu said it's only a half-day's hard run from here. If we leave within the hour, we can make it before nightfall." Shikamaru said, watching Naruto scan the words on the paper. Naruto nodded thoughtfully.  
  
"Right, you three go and get what you need. Kakashi and Sasuke will meet you at the gate and - "  
  
"No." Shikamaru interrupted, meeting Naruto's eyes. "It has to be just us." He couldn't explain why he needed it to be just the three of them. He thought Naruto might understand though when his eyes darted between all of them. He opened his mouth to speak when Sasuke interrupted.  
  
"I'd like to go with you." He said. Shikamaru met his dark eyes with a stunned expression on his face. Sasuke looked distinctly uncomfortable, but he continued on. "She was kind to me. She could have chosen not to be, but she was. And Naruto is fond of her too. I'd like to go with you." The office was quiet for a moment. Shikamaru felt a deep wave of respect for Naruto once more, a wave that had begun, more increasingly, to include Sasuke as well.  
  
"Thank you, for what you said and for your offer. But it has to be us. I need it to be us." Shikamaru said. He met Sasuke's eyes, hoping that Sasuke would understand. Sasuke nodded once and offered him a small smile.  
  
"You'll bring her home." Sasuke said, and his voice was firm. Naruto met Sasuke's gaze, and Shikamaru had to glance away from the way Naruto stared at him with so much affection.   
  
"Very well then. Shikamaru, Ino, and Choji. The three of you will leave within the hour. Your mission is to rescue Hana, and to destroy those who took her. I'll expect you home within 24 hours. Dismissed."

* * *

The three of them were running, faster than Shikamaru had ever run for anything. He was still amazed at how quickly Sasuke had offered to go with them. He hadn't been the last, either. Hana was better loved by the village than he thought she knew.  
  
But he knew it had to be them. No one worked better with him, even after all the years they'd been separate. No one could make up for what he lacked, and no one else would care as much as he did.  
  
He didn't know how Hidan had managed to survive. He didn't know how someone had managed to, not only make it onto Nara land without being noticed, but they found him and dug him up. He didn't know how, or why, Hana had been taken. But Shikamaru did know one thing with absolute surety.  
  
He was going to erase Hidan, and everyone else who followed him, from the world if it was the last thing he ever did. If he had to cut him up into the tiniest pieces possible, Shikamaru would do it.  
  
Hana was  _innocent._ She'd never been a shinobi, never fought in any wars or battles, and she'd barely even left the village.  
  
He slipped on a branch as his vision grew blurry from his anger. He righted himself, scrubbing at his face and pushing even faster.  
  
He would save her, and he would make sure no one ever took her again.


	41. i felt my body lose.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hana felt a blinding wave of relief.  
> At least now she would be allowed to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning* Blood mentioned throughout the chapter.

Forty-One.  
  
  
"Oh, Ms. Hana." Kabanoki's voice was reverent as he spoke, feverishly proud. He was leaning close to her, speaking against her ear. She could feel his breath as he spoke, rushing against her cheeks. Hana could barely hear him. "Jashin must be so happy. This work is truly magnificent." Kabanoki dragged a single finger against her cheek, one of the only unmarked pieces of her. The caress was fond, and if Hana had the strength to recoil, she would have.  
  
"You are a sacrifice worth of Hidan-sama." Kabanoki whispered against her ear. "You should be proud. Jashin will hear you." Hana didn't know anything about Jashin. She didn't know if anyone was listening at all.  
  
She was spread eagle in the middle of a complicated seal pattern on the ground, bleeding from every part of herself. What little was left of her breastband and panties were ragged, dirty strips of cloth that stuck to the blood pooling around her.   
  
Hidan still shrieked and cackled from the pedestal where he sat, but she couldn't hear him very well either.  
  
She couldn't hear much of anything, truth be told, and her vision was fuzzy around the edges and spotted with dark blots that were probably caused by the blood loss.   
  
"The sacrifice is complete!" Hidan crowed, and despite all the terror and pain, Hana felt a blinding wave of relief roll through her.  
  
At least now, she would be allowed to die.

* * *

  
The cave wall exploded in at the same time as the shadows swallowed them. Shikamaru slipped into the cave silently, faltering at the sight of Hana.  
  
She was nearly naked and broken, bleeding so much it was hardly believable that a body could hold so much blood. He stared at her, but he couldn't tell if she was breathing. She looked so still.  
  
There, in the center of the cave, was Hidan's head. He was cackling with delight, his purple eyes wide with fervor.  
  
"You took so long to get here I was starting to wonder if we'd stolen the wrong girl." Hidan's voice was sharp and it drew Shikamaru's gaze. Hidan grinned in a nasty way. "She was a perfect sacrifice. She suffered so much under Kabanoki's knife. Jashin will recieve her." Hidan crowed, and Shikamaru felt his anger rise.  
  
He glanced at the man standing over Hana. He was pale and dirty, and his hands and clothes were stained dark with her blood.  
  
"You will be the first to die." Shikamaru promised him, his voice deadly calm despite the riot inside him. The man laughed, a laugh that sounded so much like Hidan's it sent a shiver down his spine.  
  
It was the last thing he ever did.


	42. don't go home without me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Will she make it?"  
> "I'm going to try."

Forty-Two.  
  
  
When the smoke cleared, some time later, the cave was in ruins. Choji had made sure of it, smashing into the walls with such force that what once was a grotto was now a wide clearing with rock formations. The other two minions lay dead, sealed and ready for transport. Ino had made sure that they stayed dead, tunneling into their consciousness and snapping it.   
  
And Kabanoki and Hidan were destroyed. Shikamaru had seen to that personally. After ripping Kabanoki apart piece by piece, Shikamaru had turned to Hidan.  
  
 _"You can chop me up if you like," Hidan had crowed, glee in his face, "but your sweet Hana has still been given to Jashin!"_  
  
Shikamaru had enjoyed killing him again.  
  
There were still thick clouds of smoke lingering in the new clearing, obscuring his vision, but he found Hana easily enough. She was almost completely naked, covered in bare scraps of clothing and more blood than he'd ever imagined. He wanted to pull her to him, to feel for a pulse, to do anything, but he restrained himself.  
  
"Ino, please," he began, his voice weak. Ino was there before he could finish his sentence. She gasped slightly as she saw the extent of Hana's injuries, and Shikamaru swayed on his feet. Choji caught him easily enough, propping him up. Ino stared at the girl for another moment before her hands lit up with the green glow of medical ninjutsu.  
  
"I don't know if I can fix everything. Every piece of her was broken, Shika. I don't know how she's managed to live this long." Ino's voice was tight and grim, and her hands moved slowly over Hana's very still body. Shikamaru felt nausea rolling in his stomach.  
  
"Will she make it?" Choji asked. He tightened his grip on Shikamaru as he spoke, holding his friend upright. Shikamaru hated the question, as much as he loved Choji for being the one to ask it. He wasn't sure he had the strength. Ino's face grew tight for a long moment before she squared her shoulders.  
  
"I'm going to try."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive the lack of fight scene - I am extremely untalented at writing them.


	43. i don't know what i'd do if you leave.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know it's selfish of me to ask for you to live for him.  
> But, I'm asking you, please try."

Forty-Three.  
  
  
When Ino had done all that she could, she bandaged the girl up and gently clothed her in a spare set of clothing that she kept in her pack. The worst of Hana's wounds were closed, and her pulse was low and slow, but it was  _there_.  
  
Ino gently rinsed the blood out of Hana's hair and off her face before she heaved out a great sigh. She turned her head up to the sky as she stretched out her shoulders. It was deepening into proper darkness, and stars were beginning to twinkle in the blackness above them.   
  
Ino reached out a fond hand to stroke at Hana's damp hair. She watched her breathing for a few long minutes. Hana needed to rest just long enough to regain some strength. She wasn't steady enough to be transported yet, but the hours between then and daylight seemed long and daunting.  
  
"You have to pull through, Hana." Ino said, her features tight with worry. She glanced at Choji, dozing against a tree nearby, and up to the tree directly behind her where Shikamaru was keeping watch.  
  
Ino scooted closer to Hana, gently readjusting her to be more comfortable. The other woman said nothing, but she huffed out a pained sigh as Ino jostled her.  
  
"He won't ever recover if he loses you too." Ino said, somewhat thoughtful. She frowned down at Hana's unconscious body. "I know, that's selfish of me. To ask for you to live for him. And for me, too. But, even still, I'm asking you, please try." Her voice was a quiet, desperate whisper in the clearing beside the now-destroyed cave. "Please."  
  
She took one of Hana's hands in her own and squeezed it gently before surreptitiously wiping her damp eyes.  
  
From his spot in the tree above them, Shikamaru rubbed at the center of his chest. He'd been scanning the area, making sure they were all gone, every last one of Hidan's underlings. From what he could tell in the cave, the three minions they'd found were the only ones there were. It was another thing to study, to learn how they'd gotten into the village and onto his lands so easily. But that was a concern for later.  
  
He glanced down from his spot in the tree to where Ino sat huddled over Hana.   
  
"Please, Hana," he said, and his voice was rough with tears. Hana was pale in Ino's lap, and too still. He could barely see the rising and falling of her chest as she breathed.  
  
"Please."


	44. it rains in heaven all day long.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She missed her mother.  
> She will miss him more.

Forty-four.  
  
  
"It's too soon for you to be here."  
  
There was a voice off to Hana's right. It was fond and familiar, a voice she hadn't heard in a long time. She opened her eyes slowly, surprised when it didn't hurt.  
  
Seated beside her, on a low bench, was her mother. Hana studied the familiar face with greedy eyes.  
  
"Okaasan," Hana started, reaching out a shaky hand to her. Her mother, named Yasashi, smiled and took the outstretched hand in one of her own.  
  
"What kind of foolish things have you been doing, Hana?" She asked, kissing Hana's hand softly. Hana smiled. She had missed her mother so much. It took her a moment to remember her mother had asked her a question. She thought for a moment before she shrugged.  
  
"I fell in love."  
  
Yasashi's eyes were warm as she studied her daughter.  
  
"With a shinobi?" She asked, smiling fondly. Hana nodded. Her mother's hand was warm around hers.  
  
"I missed you." Hana said, her throat feeling rough and tears welling up in her eyes. Yasashi smiled fondly again.  
  
"Tell me about your shinobi." Yasashi urged, squeezing Hana's hand. Hana wiped the few stray tears off her face with her free hand and sniffled.  
  
"He's lazy. And he's a picky eater too. And he snores but he says he doesn't." Hana felt a smile stretching across her face, a smile that her mother was returning full force. "And he's kind. He makes me laugh. He doesn't mind that sometimes I don't want to talk while I'm knitting. He saved me from a boring life after you all were gone. And he's smart. He's probably the smartest man in the village." Hana laughed then, sniffling still. Yasashi's eyes narrowed just briefly.  
  
"Is he a Nara?" She asked, studying her daughter. Hana nodded briefly.  
  
"Yes. Shikamaru Nara." She answered her mother. Yasashi laughed brightly.  
  
"Shikaku's son, eh? Well, he always was a bright kid. I suppose he's bright enough to treat you right." Yasashi said, squeezing Hana's hand again. Hana laughed, and it was almost a sob.  
  
"I missed you so much." Hana said again, leaning closer to her mother. Yasashi's smile was gentle.  
  
"I know, Hana. I know. And you'll see me again, I promise. And you'll tell me about everything I've missed." She leaned forward and kissed Hana's forehead. "But not right now. It's time to wake up."

* * *

 

The first thing Hana saw when she opened her eyes was the wide, worried stare of Ino and a clear blue sky above her. She tried to rasp out a greeting, anything, but her tongue was swollen and cracked and wouldn't obey. Ino quieted her with a smile and yelled for Shikamaru.  
  
"She's alive! She's awake!" Ino yelled, her voice bright and exhausted. Hana closed her eyes again, feeling her friend's hand tight in hers, and thought about her mother.  
  
 _One day_ , she thought,  _I'll tell you all about it, okaasan._


	45. one step closer.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She wondered when she would feel whole again.  
> If she would ever feel whole again.

Forty-Five.  
  
  
Ino spent thirty minutes checking and rechecking every part of her before she okayed Hana for travel back to the village. She had closed the most major of her wounds, and reset what bones she could. The rest of it was just to difficult for her to manage.   
  
Hana was surprised to learn that they were only a half day's journey from the village, but every step back toward it was hell for her.  
  
Every bump, every slight jostle made her light up with pain all over again. She was unable to drink more than a few sips of water at a time, and her throat was so dry she thought she might catch fire if she tried to speak.  
  
Shikamaru's hands were gentle as he touched her, but every touch sent waves of pain rolling through her.  
  
She hurt from the roots of her hair to the beds of her toenails.  
  
And though Hidan didn't take a limb or an eye, she still felt like something inside her was missing. She wondered when she would feel whole again.   
  
If she would ever feel whole again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shortest chapter! Four more left!


	46. you were always meant to be here.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He made a promise, and he thought he broke it.  
> She doesn't mind convincing him otherwise.

Forty-Six.  
  
  
There was a thin slice of sunlight streaming through the curtains of her hospital room. Hana had been watching it slip slowly across the room for the last three hours, thinking about her return to the village.  
  
Sakura had been waiting anxiously for them at the front gate, and the moment they'd reached her she had personally taken over Hana's healing. It had taken a long four hours, but Hana was as whole as she could be by the end of it.  
  
Shikamaru had reluctantly left her side to make his report - and change, she knew, she knew he couldn't stand the sight of her blood on his clothes. Sakura had declared she'd be kept for 48 hours for observation, due to the dehydration and exhaustion. She hadn't directly said anything to Hana about it, but she knew she was also being kept due to the trauma of her experience. Every time she shut her eyes, she heard that horrible laugh.  
  
When she opened them again, it was to find that Shikamaru had returned and was sitting in the chair beside her bed, illuminated by that thin patch of sunlight. His eyes were very dark as he stared at her, and his hands were clasped tightly under his chin.  
  
"I didn't protect you like I'd promised." He started. Hana felt a frown work its way across her face, and he sighed. "You shouldn't have been taken in the first place, Hana. I should have been smart enough to know that the Land of Bears was a trap."   
  
He was nearly vibrating out of his seat in his agitation, working up a good head of steam. Hana raised a hand slowly to stop him. He paused long enough to reach out and take her hand gently.  
  
"Am I alive?" She asked him softly. Shikamaru nodded, brow heavily furrowed. "And, did you rescue me?" She asked next, squeezing his hand gently.  
  
"You were hurt because of -"  
  
"I didn't ask that." She interrupted, squeezing his hand again. His eyes were still very dark. Hana huffed softly, moaning slightly when it made her ribs ache. "I thought you understood what I was asking, but since you didn't, I'll be clearer. Did you come for me and take me out of that cave?"   
  
Hana held his gaze while she waited for his answer. She watched him swallow slowly and nod, biting the inside of his cheek hard enough to make him wince. Hana smiled gently, slowly, and it felt like sunlight on his skin. He let out a deep exhale, and she watched him droop.  
  
"I never asked you to keep me safe from your life, Shika. I knew what I was getting into." She beckoned him closer, and he fairly collapsed into her open arms. His nose was tucked into the curve of her neck and she felt him shiver.  
  
"Thank you for rescuing me." Hana whispered.  
  
Shikamaru made a soft noise in the back of his throat that sounded something like a sob. Hana kissed his forehead gently, and they sat like that for a long time. When Shikamaru finally sat back in the chair beside her bed, the sun was long gone from the sky.  
  
Hana watched him for a moment, seeing the tension bleed from him the longer he held her hand.  
  
"I saw my mother." She said, quietly. Shikamaru's dark eyes met hers, but he didn't ask any questions. "One day, I'll tell you about it." Hana promised. She saw a muscle twitch in his jaw and he nodded.  
  
"Rest, Hana." He said. His voice was raw with unshed tears. Hana shook her head just slightly.  
  
"I'm afraid I won't wake up." Hana admitted, glancing away from him to stare at her blanket-covered feet. Shikamaru scooted the chair closer, resting his arm across the length of her legs gently.  
  
"You will. I promise." Shikamaru said, and Hana nodded.  
  
"Okay. I'll try."   
  
And when she slipped into sleep, her dreams were blissfully empty.


	47. the worst is over now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What can I do?"  
> "Just stay."

Forty-Seven.  
  
  
When Shikamaru was finally allowed to take her home - a full two days later, and only because Hana had loudly insisted that she was well enough to go home - the moon was high in the sky above the hospital.  
  
He walked slowly beside her, one of her arms tucked through his for balance. She paused when they reached her front steps. He watched her measure the distance for a long moment before she walked up the steps and opened the door.  
  
Shikamaru followed her in and shut the door behind them. He watched her walk around the place slowly, feeling like a stranger.   
  
"How do I make it mine again?" She asked him softly, staring at the empty table in the entryway. Shikamaru took her hand gently.  
  
"With time." He said.  
  
She lingered in the entryway for another long moment before turning and slowly making her way up to the bedroom. Shikamaru did his best not to hover as he followed her slowly.  
  
He helped her change into her nightclothes, and then slip under the covers. He debated sleeping on the couch for a long moment before a look from her hand him pulling his shirt and pants off and slipping under the covers beside her.  
  
Hana stayed awake long into the night, watching the moon as it moved across the sky outside her window. When the sky began to lighten, the first trails of color slipping through the blackness, Shikamaru stopped pretending to be asleep beside her.  
  
"What can I do?" He asked her, and his voice was so raw it made her ache once more. Hana slipped her fingers into his, grounding herself into the moment she was in and no other.  
  
"Just stay." She said, softly.  
  
And he did.


	48. the worst is over, you can come home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healing came in waves.  
> "Sometimes I forget."

Forty-Eight.  
  
Days turned into weeks, which turned into months. Healing came in waves of stop and start, progression and regression.  
  
There were days when Hana laughed and smiled and didn't have to make herself try. There were days when she saw the scars curling over her arms and torso and down her legs - and Sakura had tried, she had tried to get rid of them all, but some of them were too deep - and she didn't feel the knife slipping through her skin. There were nights where she slept deeply at Shikamaru's side, and she didn't start awake at the sound of that awful, curdling laugh.  
  
And then there were other days.  
  
Days that Shikamaru would find her curled up in a corner of her shower, sobbing and scrubbing her skin raw. There were other days when she didn't have it in her to leave the house, but she could feel the walls closing in to suffocate her.  
  
One afternoon, about six months after her ordeal, Shikamaru tracked her all the way to the top of the Hokage monument. She was staring out across the village, seemingly unaware of his presence. He watched her hair floating in the breeze, and he loved her so much he ached.  
  
"Is it ever going to stop?" Hana asked, and when he moved around to see her face he found it dry, despite the sound of tears in her voice. Shikamaru sighed and sat next to her, close enough to touch if she wanted to touch him, but still far enough away.   
  
"My father has been dead for nearly 12 years." He began, looking out over the village.  
  
Hana could see the lights beginning to twinkle on as the sun slipped behind the mountains. She could hear laughter - children's laughter this time, high and sweet - and see the villagers milling about, living their lives.  
  
They all had scars, she knew. They all had aches. She wondered what they did to get through their pain.  
  
"Sometimes, though," Shikamaru said, drawing her attention back to him. "I forget. I head over to see my mother, and I expect him to be there. I walk into the Hokage tower and I expect to hear his voice." He heaved out a heavy sigh and scrubbed a hand over his face. "I don't know if it goes away, Hana. But I know you have to keep going."   
  
She turned to glance at him then. In the growing dim, his features were harder for her to make out, and the shimmering light from the village cast shadows across his face. He was no less handsome than the moment she first saw him, smoking a cigarette with a deep frown on his face.  
  
She wondered briefly when the last time she'd kissed him was.  
  
"Shikamaru," she began, drawing his eyes. His face was open, and she loved him so much she felt like she couldn't breathe.  
  
"Hana, I want you to know that nothing has changed. I meant it. When I said that I want to stay with you. Nothing has changed for me." His voice was deep and low, almost a whisper. Hana felt tears welling up in her eyes.  
  
"Shikamaru, I love you." She said. A deep flush worked over both of them. Shikamaru scooted closer, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her into his chest. She felt him sigh, felt him turn his head to kiss her forehead.  
  
"I love you too, Hana."


	49. i had all of you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Take me to bed?"  
> She was flattered, and annoyed, by his restraint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mild vague smut ahead.

Forty-Nine.  
  
  
They sat on top of the Hokage monument until every star Hana knew came out to twinkle in the sky over the village. Then they'd walked home slowly, waving and talking to everyone they passed.  
  
When Shikamaru held her door open for her, something changed. The air between them felt electric. Hana toed off her shoes and watched him do the same. They stood there for a moment, staring at each other, before Shikamaru moved toward the kitchen.  
  
"Do you want a cup of tea?" He asked, moving into the sewing room. Hana stopped him with a gentle hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Shika," she started, drawing his attention. When Shikamaru turned to face her, his eyes went to her lips for a second too long to be an accident. Hana licked them and heard his breath catch. "Shika, I want you to kiss me." She said, and her voice was strong and sure.  
  
Shikamaru had kept his distance after, trying to be respectful of her trauma, and she'd loved him for every second of it. But she  _missed_ him.  
  
Shikamaru closed the distance between them slowly, reaching for her with enough time for her to push him away if she changed her mind. When she didn't, he kissed her softly at first, then deeper.  
  
Hana wanted to swallow him into her, keep him safe inside where she could have him always. She didn't know if that was normal or not, but she wasn't going to stop kissing him to find out. She broke away for just a moment.  
  
"Take me to bed?" She asked, biting her lip. Shikamaru groaned softly and kissed her again.  
  
"Are you sure?" He asked, and she was both flattered and annoyed by his restraint. She tugged her tunic over her head in one smooth move, before she lost her nerve, and she heard his sharp intake of breath.   
  
She'd been nervous of what he would think of her now that she was covered in the marks of her torture, but his jaw only hardened for a moment as his eyes traced the swirling lines.  
  
"No one will ever touch you again." He growled, and then he reached forward to let her hair out of its thick braid. He watched the way the curls tumbled against her bare shoulders, and despite the harshness of his voice, his eyes were soft and appreciative. Hana loved him all over again, and something in her loosened. The part of her that had been afraid he wouldn't want her anymore.  
  
"You can't control everyone in the world, Shika." She answered, slipping closer to him. He huffed softly and wrapped his hands gently around her waist.  
  
"I can try." He responded, and when she laughed throatily, he smiled.  
  
His hands were so gentle on her - soft as he carried her upstairs to their bed, gentle as he traced the scars, teasingly sweet as he touched every part of her. He kissed, and caressed, and licked, until she was a quivering mass against the pillows.  
  
"Please," he begged, mouth hot against her skin, "please let me have you." And when she nodded, they both moaned. Their skin slid together, and he dropped his head to her shoulder.  
  
"I love you, I love you," he whispered against her neck, and she echoed him back, running her fingers through the silky strands of his hair. It fell in a loose curtain around his face, and then, after, spread out like a dark halo around his face on his pillow.  
  
"I love you." He whispered again, lips pressed to the skin of her throat. Hana tightened her arms around him.  
  
"I love you." She echoed.  
  
If life could be stopped at any time, she thought, she would choose then. That moment. With his fingers tracing circles into the naked skin of her back, and his face buried in her hair.


	50. love me now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Everyone always waits until the end.  
> I want the beginning and the middle, too."

Fifty.  
  
  
Naruto had been planning this celebration for months. Fireworks to signal the start of summer, travelling groups and food stalls, people from all over the great nations. Everyone was welcomed, everyone was wanted.  
  
Shikamaru had been planning everything to within an inch of his life, and he thought if he saw one more time table or schedule he might scream.  
  
Naruto had wanted a full week of festivities, from sun up to sun down, to end with a great fireworks extravaganza at the end of it all.  
  
"It'll be awesome!" He'd assured Shikamaru, who had met Sasuke's resigned stare with one of his own.  
  
"It'll be troublesome." Shikamaru amended, but he'd done his best to make sure the plans worked into place smoothly regardless.  
  
Hana's business had been booming once news of the festivities reached the village. Everyone needed a kimono hemmed, or a new obi, or hakama mended, and she'd been working nearly the entire festival. He had personally gone to collect her for the fireworks, if only to stop her from sewing her fingers to the bone.  
  
Stuffed with dango and takoyaki, and feeling warm and happy, Hana settled down at Shikamaru's side to wait for the fireworks. They were surrounded by their friends, and there was music and laughter on the air.  
  
She was seven months past the trauma that might have broken her, and nearly two years into her relationship with Shikamaru. She glanced up at him, studying his profile as he watched the dark sky above him.  
  
"Marry me," Hana said, leaning into his side. Shikamaru stiffened for a moment before clicking his tongue and laughing softly. He reached into the sleeve of his kimono - that his mother had been  _adamant_ he wear - and tugged out a small leather bag. He handed it to Hana with a smile, but said nothing.  
  
Inside, she found two silver rings, one smaller than the other. A broad smile was on her face when she turned to look back at him.  
  
"You beat me to it. As usual. I was going to wait until the end." He admitted, looking sheepish. Hana laughed brightly, loud enough that it drew the attention of their friends around them. Each of them was glad to hear that sound.  
  
"Everyone always waits until the end, Shika. I want the beginning and the middle, too." Hana told him, still smiling brightly. He slipped the smaller ring onto her finger, unable to stop the broad grin from stretching across his face.  
  
"You can have it all." He promised.  
  
Overhead, the fireworks crackled and boomed, a supernova of light and color above them.  
  
Naruto was right, he decided, it was awesome indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's done! Thank you so much for reading to the end! Thank you so much for your kudos and comments and support! And thank you for your patience - I hope it's been worth it! <3 All my love! ~Queenie


End file.
